Ep #01: Becoming Friends with Your Overwhelm
episode summary
In this episode, I’ll teach you the very first step to stop feeling overwhelmed, which is to get friendly with it. Instead of wishing overwhelm would go away or trying to ignore it, I'll teach you how to get curious about it. When you understand your overwhelm and stress, you can learn how to control and reduce it.
I’ll also introduce myself and tell you how and why I became a life coach and have dedicated the last 5 years of my life helping other women feel less stressed and overwhelmed.
You’ll also learn that I love naps and meditation - and that I’m bossy.
If you are sick of feeling overwhelmed and want to work with me 1 on 1 to start feeling better now, set up a complimentary discovery session to learn more about coaching.
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What You’ll Learn:
That our natural reaction to stress, overwhelm or any undesirable feeling is to push it away.
A new way to approach overwhelm - learning to focus on your overwhelm from a place of curiosity.
What makes you feel overwhelmed - certain times of the day, a specific person, a particular topic?
What to do when you notice you are overwhelmed.
To remind yourself that overwhelm is just a feeling, and a feeling is just a vibration in your body. It won’t hurt you, and it doesn’t last forever.
listen to the full episode:
mentioned on The Show:
Martha Beck’s book Finding Your Own North Star.
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Hey, I'm Michelle Gauthier and you're listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman Podcast.
Hello, friends. Here we are at episode one of the Overwhelmed Working Woman Podcast. This podcast has been such a long time coming, at least for me, because I have wanted to do this podcast for years. I've been thinking of episodes I'd love to do. I've got a huge list of things I want to talk to you about. So I am really excited to be here with you today and to start sharing.
[0:00:35] Thanks so much for tuning in. The goal of this podcast, not just this episode, but this whole entire podcast in general, is for you to feel better. So no matter how you're feeling when you start an episode, my goal is that at the end, you'll feel better than you did when it started. Since I assume you are an overwhelmed working woman, if you're listening to this, I know you don't have a ton of spare time in your life.
[0:01:00] This podcast will be worth your listen. Here's what I'm going to talk about today. Today I'm going to start off talking about my favorite subject that I talk about all the time, which is overwhelm. I'm going to recommend a strategy to you today that might be different than something that you've heard before. I'm going to suggest that you become friendly, even kind of get cozy with your overwhelm. If that sounds crazy to you right now, that's okay. You'll just have to trust me that this is the first step in feeling less overwhelmed. But before we jump into all of that, let me introduce myself.
[0:01:34] If you don't know me already or haven't worked with me before, I want you to know who's talking to you on this side of the podcast. So, my name is Michelle Gauthier, and I'm a life coach. I've been a life coach since 2017. Before that, I had a corporate career. At that time. I also had two small kids, a stressful job with lots of responsibility, lots of travel, a big house to manage a marriage that was frankly on the rocks.
[0:02:02] And I also had this idea that my life needed to look or be perfect. I mean, it couldn't really be perfect, so it made me just look perfect. So I worked out all the time. I volunteered at my kids schools. I just was doing everything all the time. I was exhausted. I would wake up in the morning feeling already exhausted. And I was exhausted. Not as much from the many, many things that I was doing every day, but just from trying to be this perfect, pulled together version of myself.
[0:02:37] And one night, I was folding laundry and listening to a podcast. Maybe you're folding laundry and listening to this podcast. And I heard I don't even remember the podcast. I wish I could remember the name so I could give credit, but I don't even remember the podcast. I was listening to, but the guest was a life coach, and as I heard her talk about what she did and how she helps people, I just thought, that's it. That's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm not supposed to be doing this, I'm supposed to be doing that.
[0:03:05] So I sat down, and Googled best life coach and Martha Beck came up. If you don't know her, she's got lots of best selling books. Finding your own North Star is an awesome book. If you're feeling a little lost to that, one will definitely help you. She also had a column in Oprah magazine, so I had heard of her before. So within 24 hours, I had signed up for her life coaching classes because not only was she a life coach, but she taught people how to be life coaches. So I'd signed up within 24 hours, plunked down a big old chunk of change to do that.
[0:03:41] And I did the training while I was working at that busy, overwhelming job and having a busy, overwhelming life. I did that for about six months and then here I am. Ever since I did that in 2016 and 2017. I saw clients on the side for a while and then I quit my corporate job and started working full time as a life coach. So since then, I have coached hundreds of overwhelmed working women to have a more calm and intentional life.
[0:04:11] So I'm super excited to share all of that, how I'm helping people do that, how I'm helping women change their lives on this podcast. On a personal note, I'm a single mom of two kids. I'm really close to my family. I'm the oldest child, which you would absolutely guess to be true if you met me. I have like the textbook oldest child personality. Don't like to do anything wrong, pretty bossy in a super nice way.
[0:04:40] I'm big on self improvement and mindset, as you might guess. If you could see in my office where I'm sitting right now, you would see that I've got a ton of self help books up on my shelf and I just love learning about how to improve myself and other people. I like to read other stuff as well. I usually alternate every other with just a fiction book just for fun. I also love to work out. I love shopping, mostly online.
[0:05:11] Just refer to my earlier comment about being a single mom of two and owning a business. I'm not really out shopping that much, but I sure do love shopping online. I'm big on mindset, so I meditate or nap or meditate and accidentally fall asleep most days in the afternoons. So that's me. Let's get back to the meat of today's episode and start talking about becoming friends with your overwhelm. Often when we feel overwhelmed or anxious or stressed or any kind of feeling that we don't want to have, our immediate response is to try to make it go away, your brain will immediately start figuring out what do I need to do to make this go away? Or just wishes it away.
[0:05:54] If you've tried that method, you know that that doesn't work, that you can't just think go away, go away, go away, and it just goes away. I wish it did. That's not how it works, unfortunately. So today I'm going to recommend instead of turning away from it and wishing it would go away, that you actually turn and face and get to know your overwhelm. Just pause when you notice it, become friends with it, or if friends feels too extreme, become acquaintances with it, how often it shows up and you can learn how to manage it so that you can feel like you're in control of your overwhelm instead of it just showing up and taking over for you.
[0:06:33] Instead of approaching overwhelm with attitude of get out of here and how can I get rid of this as soon as possible? Today I'm going to talk to you about sitting with your overwhelm and approaching it with curiosity. The first step to finding a solution to any problem, not just this problem we're talking about, but any problem, is to fully understand what the problem actually is. So let's investigate your overwhelm a little bit. I'm going to take you through some examples and I want you to just think about it for yourself and think, if this were me, what would I be thinking about in that situation?
[0:07:07] How would I be feeling? Think about the last week or so and try to think about when you felt most overwhelmed. I'm going to go through a couple of examples of things that I normally hear from my clients and experience myself when overwhelm feels really strong. So first question to ask yourself is, is there a particular time of day when I'm most likely to feel overwhelmed? And maybe there's not for you. I know for me the morning transition time is fraught with possibility for being overwhelming. It's because my two kids are both up, we're on a specific schedule.
[0:07:44] Basically I'm the only one who cares about that schedule is how I feel most of the days. And it's just kind of a hustle and bustle time to get everybody out the door. So if I'm going to feel overwhelmed in a day that there's a good chance that that morning transition time is it. Sometimes people tell me that they feel overwhelmed while they're doing a certain task. So is there a part of your job that makes you feel overwhelmed?
[0:08:10] Like a staff meeting. Maybe that when you have to run a staff meeting, you start feeling overwhelmed because there's so much to cover. Or I know for me, when I'm trying to do more than one thing, even though rumor has it women are really good at multitasking, I think we can do it. But for me, it never feels really good. My son was just homesick last week and I was also seeing clients and he's old enough that he's a teenager, so he just was feeling miserable in the other room.
[0:08:42] But just seeing clients and then as soon as I was finished running out and checking on him and seeing if he needed anything and then coming back into my office, just trying to do more than one thing at a time can feel overwhelming. I'm also a person who likes to order my groceries online all the time, like 95% of the time. So when I have to go to the actual grocery store, I feel overwhelmed. I don't know where anything is, I don't know how it works.
[0:09:05] I'm so grateful for that. I love grocery delivery, but that's another task that can make me feel overwhelmed. So think about what it is for you. Then ask yourself, do I feel overwhelmed when I interact with a certain person? Is there a certain person in your life? If someone just popped into your head when I asked that question, that's probably the answer for you. Lots of times, lots of times I will hear boss someone's boss causes them overwhelm.
[0:09:32] Maybe someone in your family or someone who you have to see a lot, maybe one of your kids. You find that you get overwhelmed with their behavior more so than others. This isn't meant to be negative about the person who we're thinking about. Remember, we're just thinking about your overwhelm and trying to get to know it. Sometimes thinking about a particular subject or talking about a particular subject can make you feel overwhelmed. So a lot of times the people who I work with will feel overwhelmed on topics like money, when they're worrying about money or when they're worrying about work.
[0:10:08] Sometimes, like on a Sunday, a lot of times people will tell me that they feel overwhelmed on a Sunday when there's actually nothing that they have to be doing. But just the thought of going to work the next day will cause overwhelm. So as you're going through your day and as you've just been thinking about it, as I'm asking you those questions, write it down or just take a note in your phone and acknowledge, this is a time when I might feel overwhelmed. Because remember, we're trying to sit with the overwhelmed, bit curious about it, become friendly acquaintances.
[0:10:40] If you can just go through your day today and just notice when overwhelm is happening or is likely to happen, that will get you closer to getting your overwhelm under your control. Here's why. First, when you pay attention to when you actually feel overwhelmed, it reminds you that it's actually not always there. So sometimes if you think back on a week, you'll think, oh my gosh, that week was so stressful and overwhelming, or this day is going to be so stressful and overwhelming.
[0:11:11] So it helps you pinpoint and say, actually I felt pretty stressed in the morning. But that was good until 03:00 when I had to talk to my boss or whatever it is. The second reason that's good to just notice and be curious and friendly with your overwhelm is it helps you learn what situations tend to create overwhelm for you, so it can give you some awareness. Sometimes just acknowledging the presence of overwhelm can make it lessen.
[0:11:37] For example, if you just notice my example of in the morning that my overwhelm immediately goes down at 743 when the bus comes, I can just notice that. Yes, that's a time in the day when I feel overwhelmed, and I can just sort of expect that. And that's okay, because it ends at 743 when that bus comes. Unless we miss that bus, then it might extend for 15 or 20 more minutes. But it's important to remember that overwhelm is just a feeling, and a feeling is just a vibration or a sensation in your body.
[0:12:12] It won't last forever, and it really won't hurt you. Even though it doesn't feel good, you can just acknowledge that it is simply a vibration in your body. And yes, it feels uncomfortable, but that it won't last forever. And reminding yourself of that will make the overwhelm lesson. So when I'm talking about this, I'm not talking about if you're feeling ten out of ten overwhelmed, that noticing it's going to take it to zero, but noticing it and understanding the cause of it will hopefully turn it down to maybe a seven or even a six, just from acknowledging that it's there.
[0:12:48] Here's something you can say to yourself when you notice that you feel overwhelmed, you're just going to sort of talk about what's happening. I'm noticing I feel overwhelmed right now. It's just a feeling. It will not last forever. I can see what's happening. So just try to do that this week. Just get really curious about your overwhelm, notice when it happens. Make some notes in your phone or on a piece of paper and just call it what it is.
[0:13:16] When it comes up for you, just name it. Remind yourself that it feels uncomfortable, that it's just a feeling, and see what happens from there. That's all for this week. Thank you so much for listening. Tune into the next episode and the one after that and the one after that. To continue on this journey with me, we're going to keep working on strategies for how you can make your life feel less stressful and less overwhelming.
[0:13:44] So see you soon. Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman Podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website https://www.michellegauthier.com/ See you next week.
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