Ep #27: Conquering Problem-Solving: Get Un-Stuck
episode summary
We all have problems. Some are big, some are small, and some are in the middle. If you've ever struggled with how to solve a problem, you know that it can feel paralyzing, but it doesn't have to! I have an awesome tool that will help you solve any problem without resorting to Band-Aids or buffers.
So if you're ready to get un-stuck and tackle some of the problems in your life, let's go!
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For the full show notes and transcript, head over here.
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CHAPTERS:
0:04 - Intro
2:06 - Small, Medium, or Large?
5:22 - First Things First
6:02 - 5 Options
listen to the episode:
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Hey, I'm Michelle Gauthier and you're listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. Hey friends, thanks for joining today. Today we're going to talk about some ways that you can solve problems, because who doesn't have problems? We all do, and if someone says they don't, I guess good for them, but actually I don't believe it. I think we all do, and sometimes when you have a problem, the biggest thing that keeps us from solving it is just feeling stuck, like we don't know which direction to go in. So I'm going to help you use this method that I use with my clients a lot to brainstorm some of the potential things that you can do when you're stuck with a problem. It just helps get you moving in the right direction of a solution. Speaking of problems, last time I tuned in with you I was telling you that I was headed to Mexico for that business trip. I used the term business trip lightly. We did do a lot of business, but it was very pleasant business. It was amazing, so great. But how I was planning to not cause my own problems and not feel overwhelmed on that trip, and let me tell you I nailed it. I think the fact that I had made myself miserable on the previous trip really helped me just remember. Oh yeah, I don't want to do that to myself. So I packed a few days early. I made the list many days early, got to the airport super early, plenty of time, got a coffee, talked to my sister on the phone, and I ended up landing early for my connection. Everything just went so smoothly and it reminded me that when you're traveling, there are a lot of things out of your control, like what time your flight actually leaves, et cetera, but there's so much you can control. I was just in a peaceful energy, even if my flight would have been late, I feel like I could have handled it so well. So just a reminder for you, when you're traveling, that you are in way more control than you think you are. Try not to make yourself overwhelmed like I did on the trip before. Okay, let's get back to what we're talking about today. So I like to think about problems as being small, medium, or large. So a small problem, like which I had yesterday, is that I was super crabby because I was hot and I was hungry. My daughter had one of those sports days that most parents can appreciate, where in the morning she was cheering at a football game and it was really hot and we were in the direct sun and then we had a little bit of a break and then in the late afternoon she had a soccer game. So by the end of the day I was hungry and I was hot and I was just crabby about it. So a small problem like that. You don't really need to brainstorm solutions. It's like, okay, get something to eat. Maybe next time plan better, or keep snacks in your car. It's just was a longer day than I thought it was going to be and I hadn't eaten enough to make myself feel good. So that's kind of easy to solve. Small problems like that. So that's a small problem. Then there are medium problems, like my child is failing geometry, for example, where the answer isn't exactly known and sometimes it feels a little bit paralyzing, like should I solve this problem? Should I try to take a next step? What am I supposed to do? And then there are big, messy problems, like I'm behind on everything and my life is totally overwhelming. Thankfully I don't have that problem anymore, but I remember it well and still sometimes feel that way. Like I said, when I went on that last trip I made myself feel really overwhelmed. Anyway, if it's the small problem, like I'm hungry and it's hot, it's easy to figure out what to do. But when you get to medium, and especially large problems, sometimes you just don't know what to do. In that case we often default to doing two behaviors, neither of which solves the problem. One is a Band-Aid, so you do something that helps the problem, but only temporarily. So, for example, when you have the big problem of I'm feeling overwhelmed and I can't catch up on life, you might do something like stay up until midnight and answer all of your work emails. And then the reason why that's a Band-Aid is, if you've ever done that - I've done that many, many times, not anymore, not in my current job, but in my corporate job I did that - you get up in the morning and then you have all the replies to all those emails you sent in. Your inbox is just full again. Or you might spend all weekend, if you're feeling overwhelmed, cleaning up the house and catching up on laundry, and so that is a Band-Aid too, because it does temporarily solve some part of the problem. So it's not like a - it's not a bad thing to do those things, it's just not a permanent solution. So that's a Band-Aid that we sometimes put on big problems. The other is a buffer. So this is something that doesn't solve the problem at all, but it just helps you temporarily avoid it or avoid the feelings that you're having about it. So an example of that might be drinking wine, eating some chocolate, binge watching some TV shows, doing some online shopping. I just want to say that I love all of those things and I definitely do all of those things. So there's no problem against binge watching TV or shopping online or any of those things. It's just that when we're talking about solving problems, those are not the kinds of things that permanently solve a problem. So here's what I recommend that you do when you have a problem. It's first to say, "Am I ready to try to solve this problem? Because sometimes you just want to put the Band-Aid on, or sometimes you just want to buffer and just eat some chocolate and not think about it right now, because it's just too much. But if you get to the point where you're like I've had enough of this, I don't want to have this problem anymore, I need to think about solving this permanently, and then your brain just goes blank. Or, what happens a lot to the people who I coach is that they just get overwhelmed, and when we're feeling overwhelmed, it's really impossible, nearly impossible, to think clearly. So here's what you should do. The best option is to name five things that you could do to solve the problem. You even want to include options that you know you will not actually do. Doing that, just listing out five options, helps you remember that you always have options, even if they're options that you don't want to exercise. Okay, so you're really just trying to shake loose this idea in your brain that you're stuck by reminding it of all the options that you do have. So let's look back at the problems we were using as our examples. The first is where your child is failing geometry. So first, we want to list the two most extreme options you could take. So the first one is always something where you're doing the very, very minimum. So in this case, you could just do nothing. You could take no action and just let him or her get the grade that they're getting and deal with the consequences. Okay, so this is something that my dad always taught me growing up, and it's so counterintuitive. But he would say, "You always have the option to do nothing, to just not do anything for a problem, and sometimes that can be the right answer. All right, so that's number one. That's on the scale. And then if we go all the way to a five, what's like the most aggressive thing that you could do to solve this problem? So maybe the most aggressive thing you could do is withdraw him from school and teach him math yourself at home, or decide you're going to show up every day and go to class with him, or have a meeting with the teacher every week, whatever it is that feels like the most extreme version. And usually when you list them out that way the do nothing option and the most extreme option you're like okay, I'm probably not really going to do any of those, even though I have done number five before, where I took my child out of school and taught it to them at home. I don't recommend that unless you're in desperate times. That was really hard actually. So now that we've got our two most extreme options, let's start filling in the middle. So we've got our do nothing or do something extreme and let's just think about some things that are more middle of the road. So maybe you throw out something like, the action I'm going to take is to understand the problem in detail, to figure out, does your child just not understand what's going on in class? Are they skipping class? Do they just not feel like trying? Because all of those would have different solutions. So maybe the number two option is just to understand the problem better. You could also, for a number three option based on what you find out, you could create a system where your child gets a reward for doing well or a punishment for not doing well, or whatever you think would motivate your child. And number four, you could reach out to the teacher and agree to touch base once a week just to see how things are going. Okay, so if you really have this problem - you probably don't, I'm just making this up- but if you really had this problem, I'm not even saying that those are the right answers for you. I'm just saying if you take the time to brainstorm five options, your brain will be able to come up with some options and then you can say, okay, I don't want to do that, or I'm going to do a combination of number two and number three. And that seems much more doable than just being like, oh crap, my kid is failing and I don't know what to do. Okay, let's take a look at this method again with our large size problem. So our large size problem is my life is totally out of control and I feel overwhelmed all the time. So if we go to option number one, which is doing the very least amount possible, I could just accept that this is how life is and just keep going like this forever, because really you always have the option to do nothing. You can choose to do nothing. And then number five, if we're thinking about most extreme, you could quit your job, sell your house, make your children quit all their sports and activities and move to Montana with your family, where you'll, I don't know, work in a coffee shop, and never feel stressed again. So that's the very extreme option. And sometimes that last option sounds pretty good, doesn't it? Although sometimes, when I see people ordering like at Starbucks or a coffee shop and all of the very specific things and temperatures and add-ins and whatever, I'm like that might be a really stressful job actually. So maybe there's a less stressful job you can think of. Anyway, it's just good to remember that you could do that. Like people will say, "I can't quit my job. Yes, you can. Your life would have to change. But you can, you have the option to do that and it's good to remember that you have that option. But if we work on thinking more middle ground, let's throw out three middle ground options. So one thing you could do is like make one schedule change. So, for example, I'm not going to work past five on Monday or Tuesday or some smaller thing like that, where you're not completely changing your whole life, which feels overwhelming, but just making one small change. Or you could set a boundary in the hardest area. For example, if nobody's helping you at home and you feel like you're in charge of your house all by yourself, you could make a new rule about when I get home from work, we're all going to spend 10 minutes together picking up the house, or something. Or you could add in 30 minutes a week where you do something just for you. Maybe it's like take a walk - I think I told you guys that sometimes I walk with my neighbor, who is my friend from high school, and it always makes my day when we do that - or meet a friend for a drink or for coffee, just something that sounds like a lot of fun to you. So if you're having a medium or large type problem and you feel like you can't get out of them, changing your thinking is a great way to help you start to take action. If that's true, you are also a great candidate to join my group coaching program, The Good Life. In the program we'll cover well, it's 12 weeks of content, so we'll cover everything you need to solve whatever kind of problem you're having. But we'll cover things like saying no, setting boundaries, how to change your thinking to think differently and get results in your life, how to stop talking or listening to the mean voices in your head. I was going to say talking mean to yourself, but really those thoughts just come into your head, and I'll teach you how to stop believing those thoughts in your head. And not only will I teach you how to do it, but you'll also get this beautiful workbook I just sent it to the printer; 94 pages of so much heart and soul and hard work I put in there like every tool that I love to use with my one-on-one clients. So you'll get a workbook so that, as you're learning these concepts, you can apply them directly to your life. And on top of both of those things, you get once a week group coaching from me, so that you'll never end up getting stuck or not understanding a concept or feeling like you know what, "I just don't think this particular thing is going to work to solve my problem and I'll coach you on each one of those things as they come up so that you never get stuck. One of the parts that I'm most excited about is that it's going to be a whole group of women who are going to be in this group. I've had experience doing group coaching myself and, in fact, just going to Mexico for that business owners retreat that I went to, that was all women, the power of our group and our group thinking and the way we can support each other and the way we can talk in a vulnerable way about the things that we're worried about or that we're struggling with, the way we can encourage other people. There's just something really special about women all being in a group together. So I am super excited about that, about leading a group where we are all trying to change our lives for the better and are all willing to be vulnerable ourselves and be supportive to other people. Anyway, if that sounds good to you and that sounds like something you could use in your life, registration opens on October 23rd. So that's like two weeks from when you're hearing this podcast, if you're listening to it on the day that it came out right now. If you get on the waitlist, you will be the first to be notified. So there'll be a day at the very beginning where only the people on the waitlist get notified and those people on the waitlist will get $200 off the cost of the group coaching and you'll also get a chance to register first. I'm going to limit the number of people in the group because I really want it to be a small, intimate group, so it may close quickly and I just want you, if you're really interested, to get on the waitlist so that you can be one of those first people to sign up. I'm super excited about it and if you are too, I'd love to have you. I'm going to put the link in the show notes below, as always. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for continuing to listen, for continuing to pass this on to your friends. If you know somebody who is stuck and needs to brainstorm on how to get ready and start taking action, forward them this episode, forward them the link to the group coaching program. Actually, if you're going to do it, get one of your pals to do it with you, that might be really fun. And thank you for rating the podcast. I say this all the time, but it's because of that that we are getting such high ratings in the podcast world and why more and more people are finding the podcast. So thank you so much to everyone who has done that. I hope you have a great week and I will tune in with you again next week. Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier. com. See you next week.
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