Ep #07: From Stuck to Happy with Lauren Rapaport

episode summary

This week we have a guest on the podcast. I invited my friend and client Lauren Rapaport to join me because she is a shining example of how you can take your life from stuck, overwhelmed, and miserable to “the world is my oyster and I can have and create anything I want.”

In this episode, Lauren will tell you exactly how and what she did to create her new, happy life.

Sneak preview: she quit the job she hated and started a new business. She quit drinking and started feeling her feelings. She quit being in “victim mentality” and stopped beating herself up. She accepted her type 1 diabetes instead of hating it. She started loving life and having gratitude for everything.

To quote Lauren, “I am just 100% happier than I was before”.

Tune in to get the full scoop, this is a good one!


For the full show notes and transcript, head over here.

If you are sick and tired of feeling overwhelmed, I can help. I coach clients 1 on 1 on how to create a more calm, relaxing, intentional life. The first step is to set up a complimentary discovery session right here. 

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What You’ll Learn:

  • How Lauren took her life from stuck, overwhelmed, and frustrated to 100% happier.

  • The tools and strategies Lauren used - and still uses - to keep her mindset strong and her life calm.

  • Inside scoop on what it’s actually like coaching 1 on 1 with me.

 

listen to the episode:

 

Featured on The Show:

 

  • Hey, I'm Michelle Gauthier and you're listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman Podcast.

    Hello. Thanks for joining. You are listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. Today I have a super special guest. My first guest ever on the show, my client and dear friend, Lauren Rappaport. Lauren, you know this already, but the reason I asked you to be on today is because I so admire the way that you have changed your life.

    And a lot of listeners who are tuning in today are feeling really stuck and stressed and overwhelmed. And so I asked you to come on today cause I think you are a great example of what is possible and how a person can completely change their life. So thank you for joining me today and thank you in advance for all the inspiration that you're going to provide.

    LR: Thanks for having me. I'm so excited. I'm so honored to be your first guest and I owe it all to you and you helping me change my life, so thank you.

    MG: Oh gosh. Thank you. That's so nice. Okay, so let's get started at the beginning because, um, when we first got started, I remember that you had a corporate job and you were feeling really stressed about it.

    And at that time I think you wanted to find a different job. What made you consider getting a coach in the first place?

    LR: Everyone talks about 2020 being their worst year. Well, my worst year was 2019.

    I was in a corporate job. I was so miserable and. Now that, well, I'm jumping ahead, but now that I'm a life coach, I know that you blame your problems on an external circumstance. And that's exactly what I was doing. I thought all of my problems were because I hated my job. Mm-hmm. And I now know I was just stuck.

    I was stuck in my life. I was miserable in my job. I was drinking too much. I'm still not married, but I'm not married. I don't love kids. And I remember thinking like, What am I doing with my life? I just. Was miserable, but at the time I blamed my job and I saw you. We, we obviously are very good friends from the corporate world and I saw you so happy life coaching.

    It's like every day you were like passionate about your job and happy in your job. And I remember one day you were like, look, my metrics are pink. I get to do pink metrics and my websites pink and I. In an office where I wasn't even allowed to work from home. And I just remember thinking like, I want pink metrics and I want a job that I'm, I'm happy in and a life that I'm happy in.

    And I remember saying, Michelle, I need to make you my life coach. And it's not like I knew what the outcome looked like. I just knew I needed something other than what my life is today.

    MG: Okay, perfect. That makes sense. And so just to add on to what Lauren said, we knew each other in a previous life. We worked together in a corporate world that was very corporate-y and high pressure.

    And you know, the two of us did have a lot of fun in that, but it was, uh, You know, a serious hard, lots of stress kind of job. And so what Lauren is saying is that she saw me after I left, posting on Facebook about my new thing that I was doing, which was life coaching back when I was new at Life Coaching.

    And she sounds like you thought, well, I just want some of that, whatever that is. Yeah. Pink spreadsheets.

    LR: And I just have to interject really quickly. I have to take some credit here because when Michelle and I were BFFs in the corporate world, I would say Michelle.

    Not just advice. You helped me with everything in my life. And then when we got laid off at our corporate job, she pursued a career in life coaching. And I was like, that's actually like a real thing. So Michelle was born to do this. Just interject with that.

    MG: You called it, you knew it, you thought before I saw it, I think.

    So at the time that you decided that you wanted to reach out to me as a life coach?

    LR: Yes.

    MG: How long would you say you had been suffering with feeling stuck in your life?

    LR: In retrospect, it felt like maybe even when we were still at ge, it felt like a really long time. I felt really lost. It almost felt like since my dad died in 2013, I think it's been a really long time since I've been lost.

    And then, you know, once we started coaching, I think maybe even longer than that, um, since we uncovered a lot of, a lot of stuff. But I think I've been lost for a really long time.

    MG: Okay. And what was the tipping point where you thought, I've got to do something about this. I need to reach out to someone and get help for this?

    LR: I started looking for a job and I was not successful in my search and I was like, why isn't anybody hiring me? I think it was the unsuccess in the job search and just the misery I felt in my job.

    MG: Mm-hmm. That made you think I've got to work with someone. Okay. Okay. That makes sense. And then we got started.

    LR: Yes.

    MG: And one of the things I just want to say is that I work with my clients for a minimum of six months because in my experience it takes that long to understand what got you where you are here today, and then to create a new habit and really stick with it and practice it. But once we got started, how long do you think it was before you started to feel better?

    Because it doesn't usually take the whole six months or years to feel better. Do you remember when you started to feel some relief?

    LR: That's a good question. I don't remember, but I will tell you, I felt even at ge, you're one of those people where I hear your voice and I automatically feel calmer. So I think just talking on the phone with you, I just felt like calmer.

    So I think after every session I just felt better. I felt like it was going to be okay. I will find a solution. And I felt better after every session, no question. But I think it took a couple months before I really started to understand the tools.

    What happened that was amazing was I started to realize that I still had some unresolved issues around my type one diabetes, and I started to apply the tools to my diabetes and I started to feel better about problems I didn't know I had, which were Life changing.

    Like that's when my life really started to change. And because that's something I've, I've had some I've, I was diagnosed with type one diabetes at age three, and so when I started to apply the tools, I learned the tools because we were talking about my job. But when I applied the tools to type one diabetes, that's when fundamental changes in my life really started to happen, but I don't remember how long that took.

    MG: I think that's totally normal that you're not going to remember the exact timeframe. But I think your point is so good, and this is something that I tell my clients all the time, is it really doesn't matter too much which thing we talk about.

    So you came to me because you were miserable with your job and you ended up having these big shifts in life. One of them around your type one diabetes, which you wouldn't have even identified as a problem when we first started. So working on this stuff and using these tools, it just works, it helps, it works across your whole life.

    But let's talk a little bit about, because right now everyone's saying “what tools?!”

    What were you guys doing in, in those sessions that was, you know, making Lauren feel so much better all of a sudden. Um, and you know that you have to do a lot of introspective work, which is sometimes hard. Learn how to think in a different way and practice those.

    So when you say the tools, can you tell me specifically what you're thinking of? Like things that you did to change your life?

    LR: Yes. I have two specific examples around the tools. First is you explained to me that Diabetes doesn't make me mad or upset. It's my thoughts about the diabetes that make me mad.

    So diabetes essentially is a fact. It's a neutral circumstance. So for example, if my blood sugar is 350, 350 is just a number. So if I'm thinking, oh, my blood sugar's 350. I really suck at diabetes. I'm going to feel terrible, and then I'm going to act accordingly. Right? Where have all these like, like results and reunifications about that.

    But if think 350, that's just a number, I now have information to give myself insulin or not to give myself insulin to act accordingly, then you know, I'm going to feel empowered or I'm going to feel neutral. Just cause three 50 is just a number, then I am just going to act accordingly based on my feelings of the, about the fact that 350 is just a number.

    MG: Yes, yes. So that concept that Lauren is talking about is the idea that. Nothing can happen to you. No circumstance can make you feel any certain way. It's always your thoughts about it. And I can remember the first time I said, what if diabetes is just a neutral circumstance. And you were not happy with that at first, remember?

    LR: No. I was very resistant. And then once it really sunk in, it was absolutely life changing. Yeah. Because I got my, there is so much powerlessness in type one. So once it really sunk in, all of a sudden it was like I got my power back. It was like, so wait. I have agency over how I think and feel about my diabetes.

    All of a sudden the world became like my oyster.

    MG: Yes. Yeah, exactly. Not only your diabetes, but your whole entire life because yeah, that can apply to everything. Yeah. But that was an area of your life that you, uh, please tell me if I'm stating this incorrectly, but the way I remember it is it was an area of your life that you considered to be like a done deal.

    LR: It was a jail sentence. You were going to have it forever. It was going to suck forever.

    MG: And shifting your thinking on that really was able to free your mind in the way that you acted?

    LR: Absolutely.

    So the second example I was going to give, and now I'm thinking of a third actually, but is that I lived my life through a lens of victim mentality.

    And so for example, I could walk into a grocery store and get on the slow line and think, oh, of course I got on the slow line, like the slow line happened to me. You know, I never, ever since I had this lens of victim mentality, I didn't notice that 20 other people on the same slow line, or I would never look and see, oh, it's this poor cashier's first day on the job, or I didn't think about what's in my control.

    I can come back tomorrow, or I can move to a different line, or I can read this fun magazine. I mean, there's so many different things you can do if you just put on a different lens. But I only have that lens of victim mentality because, I was looking at life with like a, it's not fair, you know, lens because of how I grew up with type one.

    But understanding this concept, I was able to pull myself out of this lens of victim mentality and look at the world completely differently.

    MG: Yeah. And how does the world feel now when you don't have that victim mentality anymore?

    You know, as I mentioned, the world is my oyster. I have agency over my thoughts and my feelings, and sometimes, you know, and I love your approach, you always ask great questions, and you have such a gentle way of coaching.

    And you never said you're the victim, right? It was like you, you led me so gently to this. Realization. And every once in a while rights, my default brain. Every once in a while I slip into, it's not fair, and you very gently remind me to have compassion for myself. And it's like, oh, right, right. There's that, you know, victim mentality lens, and you know, and now I have the tools to remind myself, oh, right, there it is, it's okay.

    And then I get myself back to this lens of like, anything is possible. I can have control over my thoughts and my feelings and anything is possible. So, well, I don't want to jump to where I am now, but I did lots of things with that new lens.

    Yes, you have. Yes you have. So tell us how hard it was. So let's just say you lived from age three to age 40, something with the victim mentality where it felt like everything was happening to you and now you have switched. How hard was it to make that change?

    LR: It was hard in the sense of like there was resistance, right. It is not an easy thing to accept the fact that you are thinking from a place of victimhood things are happening AT me, I take things personally. It's not fair. It's not an easy thing to admit.

    But then once I did, came a sense of freedom. I heard something the other day where, where somebody said, honesty will free you, but it will ruin your day before it happens. I love that.

    MG: That's so true. That's so true. I remember when I had this same kind of epiphany like you're talking about, where I was like, wait, so I have been making myself miserable this whole time?

    Then I was just pissed. But then pretty soon it's like, oh, but. If I caused it, I can un- cause it too, you know, I can fix this, but you're right, it is kind of offensive for a minute there.

    LR: Totally. And I'm learning that when I feel resistant to something, I need to follow it because that's where the like change happens and the power happens.

    MG: Yes, absolutely. And I think it's important to know too that once you realize that and you make this choice to change your life, you go out and you try it. And sometimes you still stand in the grocery store line and think, this isn't fair. I'm still in the slow line, but you realize it. And you're like, oh, I just went into that old pattern.

    And you just keep practicing and then eventually your new way of thinking becomes your new life. And once you get to that point, then you can create anything you want, which is the perfect lead in to tell us what have you created with this new Lauren.

    LR: Yes. Okay. This is the fun part. Um, so one thing I, I mentioned is that I was definitely over drinking in, in my misery. And, um, I'm two years sober.

    MG: Amazing,

    LR: thank you. Two years sober. I quit my corporate job because one of the things you helped me realize is that when I was like two year job search and nobody was hiring me, it's, you helped me realize that. I was definitely giving out, you know, your thoughts become your results.

    I was definitely giving out, don't hire me. I don't want to work here.

    MG: Yes. I hate this job and I'll hate yours too.

    LR: Yeah. So I, I realized I don't want the corporate world, and so I became a life coach myself. I've now been a life coach for two years.

    MG: Amazing. Sober and a life coach for two years.

    LR: They happened right around the same time. Yep, yep.

    Same time. So I'm a life coach. I'm sober. You tell me if you agree with this percentage, say. I don't know, 50% calmer than I was.

    MG: Absolutely. Maybe even more so. Yeah, maybe even more. I'm just like a calmer version of myself. Yeah. I am a recovering people pleaser.

    I'm such a less people pleaser. I may still have tendencies, but I think I'm not nearly as much of a people pleaser as I was before. I quote you all the time, my life coach says no is a complete sentence.

    I've learned how to set boundaries. I just, I have your words in my head all the time. You know, boundaries are not necessarily a barbed wires fence to keep people out. There are wall of hearts to protect you. I use different sentences. They're a wall of hearts. To protect your heart, to protect your sanity, to protect your family member.

    I mean, I insert lots of different things there, but you've helped me so much to create boundaries. I know how to ask for help now. I've learned how to trust my inner wisdom. I lean on my inner wisdom/what would Michelle do. Overall, I am just a hundred percent happier.

    MG: That is amazing. I mean, that is what I feel like everybody wants. It's just to be happy and when you're feeling stuck and stressed and in victim mentality, it's just impossible to feel happy. Yeah. So the fact that you created that just by embracing your own, like who you are, changing some of your thoughts, and then you just, it seemed like you had a confidence to just, I'll never forget the day when you said, I just decided that I absolutely can't be happy until I stopped drinking and I'm going to stop drinking.

    I mean, you just made these huge decisions after you had done this work, and then you followed through on every single one of 'em.

    LR: Thank you. And that was exactly how, you know, of course, you know, I called you and, but that, that sentence, it's like, you know, there's a saying in life coaching. “You're one thought away from changing your life.”

    And it was that thought will never be happening until I'll get rid of alcohol in my life for good. That got me into aa.

    MG: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's just amazing. Yeah. Okay, so I feel like you've done a good job of. Painting the fact that it's not all sunshine and rainbows and that you to do these changes, sometimes it's painful.

    So tell us a little bit about times now. Even like yesterday, I'm making this up cause I don't know what happened yesterday, but you know, yesterday or this week or something where something stressful comes up, how do you handle it now versus how you would've handled it?

    LR: Okay. Great question.

    A couple things sometimes. It just takes, and they talk about this in AA, and I know you talk about this a pause. Sometimes it's as simple as just pausing and breathing and thinking about, okay, like I don't want to react from a place of anger. Overwhelmed stress. Whatever emotion I'm feeling, I don't want to react from that place.

    Like, it's okay that I'm feeling this way, like any feeling is okay, right? Like I, I try not to beat myself up for that feeling because that's what I did as a kid. I beat myself up for all the feelings that I had, especially with my type one. So it's the compassion. Don't beat myself up for a feeling. The feelings are okay.

    I just know how to react from them. So it's just like pausing and then reacting. Or, I'm not sure if you've talked about this yet, but it's sitting down every day and doing my thought download. Mm-hmm. That, that sentence I just talked about and how I got sober, that came from a thought download. It's, it's a tool where you just, it's like journaling really.

    Getting my thoughts out every day and then plugging 'em into some of the life coaching tools, which is what helps manage my thoughts and my feelings. It's really seeing the thoughts and then how the thoughts create the results.

    MG: Yep. Yep. That's a great example too. And I know you also meditate. I'm filling in some other things that I know you do too, and I think that all of those things that you said, so doing the pause, proactively meditating, journaling, and doing a thought download when you feel upset, I think they're all coming from the same theme, which is mindfulness and just getting quiet and watching your thoughts.

    Watching your reactions before you actually do anything, because then you can live from an intentional, this is how I want to react instead of shoot, I just said or did something that I really didn't want to do. Yeah. Like an off the cuff response. You know? One other thing I want to add that you just reminded me of when you were talking about your feelings and that you allow all of your feelings, I think you've made such amazing progress in the feelings department, and a lot of times I, I haven't done a podcast episode on this yet, but it's on my list just talking about allowing feelings and when I first started working with Lauren, and I would say, how do you feel about this? You would say, I don't know.

    LR: Right? I, you know, I totally forgot. I wrote down all the things, all the reasons why I love Michelle and all the reasons she's a great life coach.

    I completely forgot you taught me how to cry. You connected my head and my body, they were literally disconnected. If I had to draw a picture of myself, my head would be floating above my body. When I first started working like life coaching with you, I completely forgot about that. Yeah. And you taught me how to like connect them and now I feel like I cry all the time.

    Yeah. And, and now we think it's a good thing. Right. I was with you. I was not a crier. I really prided myself on that. But in our case, what that meant was we were just disconnecting and not letting our feelings. Be felt. We were just in our head and not connecting with that. So even just saying, I allow every feeling.

    It's just sort of a passing sentence you said, but even that is a huge

    deal.

    LR: A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for reminding me of that.

    MG: So I'm thinking of the listeners who are listening to this right now, like I said at the beginning, they're probably feeling stressed and overwhelmed. If you could give them like one tip or one thought that they could take away today, what would you tell them?

    LR: The one thing that I would say is that just because you have a thought does not make it true. So if you have a thought like, oh my gosh, I'll never get it all done, or, oh my gosh, if I don't get it done, my life is over. Just because you have that thought doesn't make it true. You don't have to buy into that thought.You, you don't have to buy into that thought. It is. Completely optional. So like with my clients who have type one, we have all these catastrophic thoughts. Like I was 100% convinced I was going to die by the time I was 40. I've had it since I was three and I lived my life as if I was dying, and I wish I knew that that thought was completely optional.

    You can take it a step further and try to think of evidence as to why that thought's not true, but that may be too much. Just know that that thought is not true.

    MG: Yep. And that, that is such an amazing example and such a great tip because we just grow up thinking that the thoughts in our head are true.

    Yeah. And when we learn that we can't control the thoughts that come into our head, but we can evaluate them and decide if we buy into them or decide that they're true. It's so powerful. You can think about it like you're watching a movie of the thought that's coming into your head, and then you can decide to act from there or not.

    LR: Yeah. I mean, how many movies have you watched and been like, oh, that movie sucks. I'll never watch that one again. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. That's so true. Yes. Oh my gosh.

    MG: So tell us more about your coaching business. Like what kind of clients do you help? Where can people find you? I'll put all this stuff in the show notes too.

    LR: So you can find me at life coaching with lauren.com. And I coach people with Type one diabetes who want to change their thoughts with type one. I also coach people who truly at the end of the day, just want to find happiness or who feel stuck and want to be unstuck. So, I mean, the way you do one thing is the way you do all things.

    So if you're stuck in your job, there's a very good chance you're stuck in all areas of your life the way I work. Yeah. So want to get stuck and find happiness? I can help you.

    MG: Okay. Okay. So if there's something in their life that they feel like is, I think your example from your life was type one and your job.

    So if they're saying, I have type one and I just cannot be happy, as long as I have this disease, which is going to be forever, that's, that person's an ideal client for you.

    LR: Yes. Or if you don't have type one and you hate your job, there's a very good chance you're stuck in all areas of your life or most of it.

    MG: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So if there's, whatever it is, it's kinda a an open potential circumstance that you feel stuck in. Like, you're not going to be happy because you can't resolve this thing. You can help them move past that. Yes, exactly. Okay, awesome. And we will put your website in the show notes. And on your website, does it show how they can work with you?

    Oh, yes.

    MG: Okay. Lauren, any closing thoughts? Anything I didn't ask you that you want to share?

    LR: Yes. Work with Michelle. She's fun and amazing and will help you change your own life.

    MG: Thank you very much. Yes. If you are interested in working with me, you can go to my website, go to the Work with Me page, and you will see a link to set up a session, a free hour session where we can just talk about coaching and see if this is a good fit for you.

    Okay. Lauren, thank you so much. It's been so much fun going down memory lane and reminiscing about all the ways that you changed your life. I'm so proud of you. You have truly created a life that I feel like anybody would look at and think, wow, I wish I had her life. She's so happy. You're so authentic. You're such a breath of fresh air. It's just amazing.

    LR: Thank you so much. Thanks for having me.

    Thank you for listening to The Overwhelmed Working Woman Podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.com. See you next week.

 

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Tips, Say No, People Pleasing, Positive Thinking, Client StoriesMichelle Gauthier