Ep #69: These 4 Habits are Keeping You STUCK in Overwhelm

episode summary

Wondering why you can't break the cycle of stress and overwhelm that you've felt stuck in for ages?

Today I'm tackling the four habits that keep you trapped in a state of overwhelm. Whether you're a professional juggling multiple responsibilities or a parent preparing for back-to-school season, understanding these habits and how to overcome them can transform your daily life.

In this episode you'll learn:

The detrimental effects of multitasking and how to embrace single-tasking for better efficiency.
The art of saying no and creating essential white space in your schedule.
How to practice "gain thinking" to stop negative self talk and be more productive.

Tune in now to gain actionable insights and start your journey toward a more balanced and stress-free life by playing this episode today.

Featured on the podcast:
Ep #51| The Calendar Clean-Out
Ep #29| Better Self-Talk
Ep #63| How Shifting to a Gain Mindset Can Boost Your Success

Listen to this episode on Apple or Spotify!

For the full show notes and transcript, head over here.

If you are sick and tired of feeling overwhelmed, I can help. I coach clients on 1 on 1 to create a more calm, relaxing, intentional life. The first step is to set up a complimentary discovery session right here.

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Want to learn more about me or my work? Head to my website at www.michellegauthier.com

Discover practical strategies to overcome imposter syndrome, manage time effectively, and cultivate a calm and positive mindset while setting boundaries and combating negative self-talk in high-stress jobs, all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the 'Overwhelmed Working Woman' podcast.

Music Used: Pop Guitar Intro 01 by TaigaSoundProd, Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-licen

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CHAPTERS:

3:03 - Multitasking

6:48 - Overcommitting

8:35 - Perfectionism

12:28 - Negative Self-Talk

If you're wondering why you keep feeling overwhelmed day after day, week after week, even maybe year over year, today I'm going to give you the inside scoop on why. You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less. I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former overwhelmed working woman and current life coach. On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences, and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life. Hey, thank you so much for joining today, friend. It's good to have you here. Today
Michelle Gauthier:0:45
we are going to look at the four habits that will keep you stuck in overwhelm. We are going to look at multitasking, overcommitting, perfectionism, and negative self-talk. We're going to explore why these habits can become such a problem and contribute to overwhelm, and you know I'm never going to leave you hanging. I'm also going to give you the solutions for each one of these and give you actionable steps to stop doing these things that are keeping you stuck in stress and overwhelm. Before I jump into all the details on that, though, I just want to tell you some exciting news that just recently, the podcast got moved up to the top 2% of all podcasts in the whole wide world. How crazy is that? There are 3.5 million probably more by now podcasts and Overwhelmed Working Woman is in the top 2%. That is due to all of you listening and sharing this podcast with your friends and taking the time to write reviews. That means it gets shown to more people and when it gets shown to more people, we get more listeners and we help more people. So maybe I could say people one more time. So I just wanted to say thank you to anyone who has taken the time to write a review and if you have not and you love the podcast, I would be so grateful if you would do that. I'm just going to read one of my most recent favorite ones. It says, "I love listening to this podcast during my daily commute. Michelle has a way of making everything seem so simple. She also hosts the most interesting guests. I've made lifestyle improvements based on the podcast alone and the best part of it is that it's felt fairly effortless. Yes, that makes me so happy, because my whole goal is to start off your week on Monday morning with talking about a problem that you may have and then giving you some very simple, actionable solutions that you can do so that you feel empowered to change your life in a way that's better for you. So if you would leave a review, that would be amazing. Thank you to everyone who's already done so. Let's get into it, okay. So, like I said, we are going to look at four habits that are keeping you stuck in overwhelm, and the very first one is multitasking.
Michelle Gauthier:3:03
Multitasking is one of those things that seems like it would be a good idea. It feels like, oh, I'm going to be oh, so efficient and do two or three things at one time. I'm going to not just be on a call, but I'm also going to answer a couple emails while I'm on that call. And what happens when you do that, studies actually show this, is that multitasking forces your brain to rapidly switch tasks, because we can't actually do two things at once. So in that example that I gave, you're maybe listening on the conference call for 10 seconds, then you switch to the email and you're focusing on that for 10 seconds, but tuned out from the conference call. Then you go back to that. So when you're forced to rapidly switch tasks between things, it leads to decreased efficiency and increased distractibility, and it's proven that you make more errors, which completely makes sense to me. I absolutely make errors when I'm trying to multitask. It's also not great for your body. It temporarily raises your stress levels and your blood pressure and your heart rate. So I don't even have to explain why that's not good. It's just putting additional unnecessary stress on your body. Also, as a funny side note, as I was writing this part of the podcast, my son came in while I was trying to concentrate and write and asked me to Google a car that he really needed to show me that he wants. Keep in mind, it's like a $200,000 car, not a car that he's actually going to be getting anytime soon in life. So such is life. We get interrupted and we have to either multitask or switch tasks back and forth sometimes. But the good news is and this is the solution is that we can solve the additional stress that's caused by multitasking simply by not multitasking.
Michelle Gauthier:4:47
A term that I love is single tasking, so that is just where you focus on one task at a time. I'm going to give you a couple ideas for when and how to do that. I know it obviously sounds easy. Hey, here's an idea: work on one task at a time. But what I mean by that is scheduling a specific time for your emails so you can check your emails, maybe at nine and noon and four, and if you immediately want to push back on that and think like I can't do that, maybe you check yours on the hour if you have that kind of job.
Michelle Gauthier:5:21
Another thing you can do is just limit your distractions. I always keep my phone notifications off, but when I'm working, obviously if I'm seeing a client, or really trying to focus on something, I will turn my phone upside down or set it in a different part of the room. So it's just one less thing that I have to worry about. I don't need to get a notification or hear a sound that my phone potentially could make, or even just see something on the screen. Another quick way to improve your ability to single task is to declutter the space where you're working. So, for example, if your desk has a bunch of stuff on it, I often have my notebook and maybe some post-it notes or things that I'm writing on, and every time they catch my eye they kind of distract me. So if I really need to concentrate on something, it's very helpful to me to close my notebook, set it at the edge of my desk, clear off the 15 cups that I usually have on my desk by the afternoon, and then I can really focus and get to work. The last suggestion that I have for single tasking is a little bit different, and that is to start practicing meditation. Or, if you are already a meditator, to try to kick up your habit a little bit. Do it once a day instead of once a week. Practicing meditation is a great way to train your brain to focus on one thing at a time. That's exactly what meditation is, so give that a try
Michelle Gauthier:6:43
if you are a big multitasker or in the habit of being a multitasker. The second habit that's keeping you stuck and overwhelmed is overcommitting. So we've got multitasking first, overcommitting second. The definition of overcommitting is to obligate yourself beyond what you have the ability to fulfill. So think of it like this as an analogy If you have $10,000 a month and you buy a house with a mortgage payment of $11,000 a month, you literally have obligated yourself to an amount that you cannot fulfill, you cannot pay.
Michelle Gauthier:7:17
Now think about your time, like that money. Think about how many hours there are in a week 24 hours in a day, so 168 hours in a week. How many of those are you already committed to working or sleeping? And of those hours that are left over, you don't want to fill every single one of them up. You want to have some that are free and white space. The solution for this and I think, much like multitasking, this can just become a habit where you say yes to everything, you try to fit in everything. Even though you're jam-packed, you'll try to fit one more thing in there. So the solution to this is to evaluate each commitment's importance. So do I really want to do this? Don't commit to what you don't have to give, so don't overspend your budget, so to speak. Be super selective about what you commit to and don't forget to leave yourself some white space. There is a great episode, episode number 51, where I talk about the calendar cleanout method that I use to manage my calendar. I put things on the calendar based on how long they will take, and that helps me know realistically what I can get done in a week. It even has a free worksheet for you to get it all figured out, so check that out if this is an area where you know that you struggle.
Michelle Gauthier:8:35
The third thing that can keep you stuck and overwhelmed is perfectionism. Perfectionism is a tough one because if you're a person who has high standards, pays attention to detail, has a strong work ethic and continuously tries to improve themselves, those are all great qualities, but those also, if taken too far, turn into perfectionism. And when it turns to perfectionism, that can cause a lot of overwhelm. And I'll tell you exactly why. Because when you are a perfectionist, or use perfectionistic thinking, as you're working on something, you set high standards that are basically unattainable. Perfection is unattainable. Nobody is perfect, leading to dissatisfaction and a sense of failure with anything that you do. So let's say you work on a project and you get it to 99%, complete and perfect, and there's one outstanding issue If you're a perfectionist, you may focus on that 1% and that constant dissatisfaction or sense of failure will be there with you because of that 1%. That keeps you in overwhelm because you can never actually fully complete a task.
Michelle Gauthier:9:53
Then, just like we were talking about above when we were talking about multitasking, perfectionism is associated with increased levels of stress, anxiety, and even depression, and it can have a pretty significant impact on well-being and just mental health overall. When you obsess over details, it can be very hard to be super productive, it makes you more inefficient, and it often can result in missed deadlines. So the biggest problems that I see with my clients who struggle with perfectionism which is a lot of them, because I work with lots of women, probably, much like you, are overachievers who have always been very successful in life. But the problem that I see is that it creates a little bit of a cycle where you want to do something really well, you work really hard, then it's not enough, so you spend more time working hard and then you have to check again and then it's not enough or you'll turn it in and you feel like it wasn't good enough. So it just gets you stuck in your head where there's no true stop to anything and that just leads to you carrying around so many details and thoughts in your head about the perfectionism.
Michelle Gauthier:11:02
So here are some quick things that you can do to combat against perfectionism if this is an area where you suffer. Number one is limit the time that you spend on tasks. So if you have a pitch that you have to create for work and you know that you could easily spend 10 hours working on it, try to figure out how many hours you actually need and then set time limits and work on it, maybe in spurts. So let's say, you work one hour today and one hour tomorrow and you consider that to be your, as Brene Brown says, crappy first draft. So you put it together, it's not perfect yet, but at least you can get it on a piece of paper and then you assign yourself a third hour where you can make it - make the edits, make it look as good as it can be, and then call it done because you've hit the time limit that you allotted to yourself to work on this project. Another great thing - I think this is a huge tip for people who are perfectionists - is to seek feedback from others, and what I mean by that is if you've worked on that pitch for three hours and it feels like, oh my gosh, there's still so far to go, and you run it by a trusted colleague who says, yeah, it looks great. Or you take it to your boss and she says, yeah, this looks awesome, perfect, maybe add one more sentence here and you're good to go. Sometimes, when you get stuck in perfectionistic thinking, it's helpful to get an outside opinion. Okay, so that is perfectionism.
Michelle Gauthier:12:28
The last and final one that will keep you stuck in overwhelm is negative self-talk. I want to talk to you a little bit about what negative self-talk actually is, because sometimes I see people who have negative self-talk - we all do - some people have a lot of negative self-talk, and they kind of beat themselves up for having it. So I just want you to remember a couple things about the thoughts in your head. One is the thoughts that come into your head are not optional. They're not in your control. They're just popping into your head. So if you have a thought that comes in, let's just say I'm working on this podcast and I have a thought that comes into my head that says this is a dumb episode and nobody's going to like it, I didn't create that thought. I don't really believe that thought. It just popped into my head.
Michelle Gauthier:13:13
So it's helpful to think about that, that your brain just sometimes offers negative thoughts and when it does, what you do have an option to do is to evaluate that thought, decide if you want to believe it, and believe if it's true or not. So, for example, let's just go with this podcast example that I was talking about. When it comes into my head, I can just observe, oh interesting, I just noticed that that negative thought dropped into my head and I'm just going to go ahead and let it drop out. The other side, it can just pass on through my brain. Sometimes I think about them like a teleprompter that has words, so I can see the words going across the page and then they're just gone. So you can notice that your thoughts are not in your control as far as what comes into your head. You can also observe your thoughts without being attached to or involved in them, and you can also notice when thoughts are not true.
Michelle Gauthier:14:07
The reason why negative self-talk really keeps us in overwhelm is because, once again, it increases stress and anxiety, because it creates this sense of inadequacy and a fear of failure. So if I'm really thinking this podcast is terrible and nobody's going to listen to this episode, I'm thinking, okay, well then, why am I doing this? I'm afraid it's going to fail. I don't even want to put it out there. So it really makes us hesitant to do things and that, in turn, over time, decreases your self-esteem. And when you decrease your self-esteem, you start losing belief in your abilities, and then it's just another vicious cycle where negative thoughts can create fear. Fear creates avoiding tasks, resulting in unfinished tasks, which leads to more negative self-talk, which then leads to more overwhelm. So, again, just like the one I gave you the example of before, this is just a thought loop. That can happen.
Michelle Gauthier:15:04
I did a whole episode on turning around your negative self-talk in episode 29. So if this is an area where you really struggle, please go back and listen to that full podcast. But right now I want to just give you a couple solutions that you can do right away. First is recognizing and challenging your negative thoughts, like I just explained to you. Noticing that those thoughts are coming into your head, but also remembering that you don't have to attach to them, you don't have to engage with them, and that you can challenge them or come up with new, more positive thoughts. The positive thought has to be true too. It has to feel true to you. So if I'm thinking this podcast episode is the worst one ever, I'm gonna let that thought go and I can replace it with I don't know how this one's going to do, but I feel really passionate about the topic.
Michelle Gauthier:15:55
As an example, the second thing you can do is practice gain thinking. So there's a whole other episode I keep referring back to episodes because this one's covering so much ground. But episode 63 talks about this concept of gap versus gain thinking. What gain thinking means is that you look backwards at what you have already done and you focus on your past successes and learn to focus on what you're doing well. So, for example, if I'm thinking to myself, this podcast isn't going to be good, this episode is going to be terrible. I can look back. I can easily measure my past successes. I can just log into my podcast and see how many people have listened to each one of the episodes. I can see the reviews that I get. I can see that I've consistently done it over time and by focusing on what has gone right, it helps me come up with true, positive thoughts that I can use to combat that.
Michelle Gauthier:16:50
So, in summary, we've looked at the four habits that contribute to feeling overwhelmed and to keep you stuck in that overwhelm, including multitasking, overcommitting, perfectionism, and negative self-talk. What I want you to take away from this episode today is, without judgment, just noticing which one of those areas is your biggest struggle, if you had to choose from one of the four. And then when you choose which one it is, like let's just say you choose overcommitting, then go back to one of those solutions that I suggested, and I don't want you to feel like you have to solve this problem today, right, just go to one of those solutions that I suggested. So maybe what you do is you go look at the tool for how to manage your calendar better and next week you work on removing a couple meetings or commitments that you've made to yourself. So just take one tiny step towards solving this overwhelmed problem that you're feeling. The goal of this particular episode is not to make you feel more overwhelmed because you need to fix a bunch of things. Just choose one. Choose one solution and try to implement that one.
Michelle Gauthier:17:56
Okay, let's move on to Michelle's Do Less for More Success tip. My recommendation this week for doing less for more success is to schedule your appointments either in batch or as soon as you're leaving the place. So, for example, if you're leaving the dentist's office, schedule your next six-month checkup right then, that way it's on your calendar and you'll have to schedule other things around it instead of trying to find time for that appointment and forgetting to call, etc. I do this with my hair appointments. Ideally, I can schedule them all for the entire year so that they're just on my calendar and I work everything else around those. So think about any places that you could do that for yourself or your kids. Batch your appointments so you just don't have to think about them again.
Michelle Gauthier:18:57
All right, that's it for today. Hopefully you are ready to take your one small step to move into feeling less overwhelmed! As I said at the beginning of the episode, if you would write a review if you haven't done so already I would absolutely appreciate it, and yours may be the next one I read on the podcast. Have a great week and see you on Monday. Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.com. See you next week.