Comparison is the Death of Joy

This week at my gym we were working on push-ups to see how many we could do without stopping. I got 12. I was delighted! When I first started working out there, I could do zero.

Then I turned to the right and saw that the person next to me was still going. She got at least 25 push-ups without stopping. Suddenly the delight of my own accomplishment was gone and I felt almost embarrassed about it.

This is called “upward comparison” and it’s when you compare yourself to someone you perceive as better — they can do more push-ups, make more money, have a nicer home, a better career, etc.

Does upward comparison make us feel good?

It sure doesn’t, and here’s why: it steals you from the present moment. My pride in doing 12 push-ups turned into shame because “that’s all” I had done.

What to do instead:

When you notice your brain going into upward comparison mode, remember that we are all running our own race. And then get curious and ask yourself, what is it about this person that I admire? Is there something about her that I want to implement for myself? Approaching envy from a place of curiosity can be useful and even motivating. What if I had asked her - hey how did you get so good at those? What would you suggest that I do if I wanted to get better? It would go from me feel shame and embarrassment to feeling empowered.

Let’s go back to the gym story and imagine that I turn to my left and see someone struggling to do one push-up. “Downward comparison” is when you compare yourself to someone who you perceive as worse than you at something. Looking at someone and thinking, “At least I’m better than her” in an attempt to feel better about where you are.

Does downward comparison make us feel good? 

Nope. I suppose this is meant to make us feel better about ourselves, but it feels judgmental and just gross.

What to do instead: 

When your brain offers a downward comparison, just notice that happening and ask yourself, “Where do I need reassurance about myself right now?” and then, “How can I give that to myself instead of comparing myself to someone else?”

Mark Twain summed it up pretty well with this quote: “Comparison is the death of joy".

Dramatic, but accurate. Stay in your own lane, friends. Run your own race. And if you DO find yourself comparing, ask yourself the questions above to turn it into a useful activity instead of a joy-killer. 

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LOVING LATELY

BTS at MG Life Coaching . . . I am loving this weird but cool chair I got for my desk.  

(Why yes, I do work in my pajamas sometimes! These jammies are also on my loving lately list and were a gift from a dear friend which makes me love them even more.)

MOOD SHIFTER

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