Do you ever feel completely drained and then look back at your week wondering, what did I even do to feel this tired? The answer is often that you weren’t only managing your own responsibilities, you were also managing extras that don’t belong to you.

Here’s the metaphor I love:
You have your own backpack. Inside it are your responsibilities, choices, emotions, and priorities. It might feel heavy at times, but the backpack is yours, and it’s somewhat manageable because it’s in your control to change the contents as needed.

So you’re managing your own backpack, and suddenly someone at work hands you theirs.

Then your partner.

Then your kids.

Then your friend who’s having a hard week.

Suddenly you’re bent over, lugging five backpacks that were never yours to begin with.

That’s what happens when we take on everyone else’s stress, problems, and emotions. We try to fix things that aren’t ours, absorb other people’s worries, or say yes when our gut says no. That will leave you feeling resentful and burned out, with very little energy for what matters to you.

Here’s a simple tool: before jumping in to fix or say yes, pause and ask yourself:

➡️ Is this my backpack, or theirs?

If it’s theirs, hand it back with love. You can care about someone without carrying their load. Support doesn’t always mean taking responsibility.

Your job isn’t to carry everyone else’s stuff. Your job is to manage your own backpack.

✨ This week, notice where you’ve been hauling around an extra backpack or two, and practice setting them down with love.

(Here’s me in a train station in Switzerland, managing all of our actual backpacks. See how I’m trapped and can’t go anywhere because I have too much to manage?)

PS: This popular podcast episode talks about how to remove some of the heavy items from your own backpack. Check it out!

LOVING LATELY

I’ve been loving this IG creator whose entire focus is making life more whimsical and fun. Check out her ideas for an “analog bag” aka things to do instead of hanging on your phone. I ordered a hand lettering book and pens for mine!

PONDER THIS

Let Them Visit

Feelings are visitors, that much is true.
They show up unannounced — not waiting on you.

They may drop in when you wish they would stay,
Or knock on your door and get in the way.

But pause for a moment, don’t turn them around.
Ask what they’re here for — what wants to be found?

Let them pass through, no need to control.
Every emotion has something to show.

Ponder This: What’s one feeling you’ve been trying to rush out the door? What might it be trying to show you?

WORK WITH ME

Thanks to all of you who participated in last week’s Declutter Challenge! We cleared out a lot of emails, calendar appointments, and actual stuff. It feels good to have a fresh start to fall! I think I’ll make this an annual thing.

I have an opening for one-on-one coaching starting in 2 weeks. Is that your spot? Set up a discovery session here.

The Cost of Carrying Everyone Else’s Stuff