What If You Let Them Be Wrong?
Recently, one of my clients found out a coworker had told someone she was "hard to work with." She heard it secondhand. Then, she spent the next three days trying to fix it. Replaying every conversation they'd had. Sending extra-warm emails. Volunteering for a project she didn't have time for.
When she told me, I asked her one question: what if you just let her be wrong?
Long pause. Then: "I don't know how to do that."
The reason she wasn't letting her co-worker be wrong about her it is because letting someone be wrong about you can feel pretty awful and uncomfortable.
And we will do almost anything to make that feeling stop.
So we explain. Over-explain. Fix. Perform. Exhaust ourselves trying to manage someone else’s opinion of us.
Here's the truth: you cannot control what other people think. You never could. No amount of explaining, performing, or over-delivering changes that. The only thing you can control is whether you are acting in line with your own values.
So that's the only question worth asking. Did I act in line with my values? If yes, you're done. You don't owe anyone a convincing performance. You just let them be wrong.
Instead of trying to talk them out of their opinion, you just let them be wrong about you.
That's the whole skill. Simple. Not easy.
She tried it. Two weeks later she came back and told me she felt lighter than she had in months. Same job. Same coworker. Nothing changed except what she did with the discomfort.
If people-pleasing is costing you that kind of energy every week, I'd love to help. Book a free consultation here and let's talk about what's possible.
HOT OFF THE PRESS
“Your brain has been wired over the years, maybe your whole life, to treat yes as the safe answer.”
Has your mouth ever committed you to something that you actually wanted no part of? That’s what happens when your ‘yes’ becomes a reflex instead of a decision.
Somewhere along the way, our brains decided that saying yes felt safer than disappointing people or creating conflict, and now here we are.
Many overwhelmed women struggle with saying no because they’ve been conditioned to believe everyone else’s needs matter more than their own, but you can learn to turn off the autopilot.
If you’re tired of saying yes all the time, this episode will hit home in the best possible way. Listen now and learn how to stop people-pleasing long enough to hear what you actually need.
Check out episode 250 here: https://tinyurl.com/OWWPod.
“People are missing the big enchilada. They're not connecting with their kids because they're constantly chasing the schedule and the meal prep and the Pinterest-level birthday parties.”
A forgotten spirit day.
A missed email.
Scheduling two things at the same time.
Forgetting to bring snacks.
Not replying to the birthday invite.
Not even seeing the birthday invite.
Scheduling is about more than blocks of time on a calendar—it’s about mental load and emotional energy. When your brain is consumed with remembering everything, you lose the bandwidth for the moments that actually matter.
Women need support systems that free up mental space so they can stop surviving logistics and actually enjoy their lives and families again. My guest today, Aviva creator Amy Briggs, saw this and decided to do something about it.
Listen as we unpack the hidden mental load working moms carry every day and learn about a tool that can help.
Listen to episode 251 here: https://tinyurl.com/OWWPod!
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If people pleasing is costing you your time, energy, and peace, I can help. Set up a free consultation with me here to see if coaching might be a good fit for you.