Ep #61: How to Say No Effortlessly
episode summary
Ever found yourself saying 'yes' to tasks you wish you had declined?
What if you had the perfect phrases ready to say 'no' confidently and guilt-free? This episode of Overwhelmed Working Woman dives into the common struggle of overcommitting and offers practical solutions. Learn how to how to decline requests effectively to save your sanity and improve your productivity.
In this episode, you'll learn:
The 2 magic questions you can ask yourself that will totally irradicate people pleasing.
Powerful, guilt-free ways to communicate your 'no' firmly and honestly.
Eleven ready-to-use phrases that can be copied and pasted into your next email to decline requests effortlessly.
Listen to this episode now and equip yourself with the tools to master the art of saying 'no' confidently and kindly.
Featured on the podcast:
Ep #6| The Art of Saying No
The Good Life group coaching waitlist
Listen to this episode on Apple or Spotify!
For the full show notes and transcript, head over here.
If you are sick and tired of feeling overwhelmed, I can help. I coach clients on 1 on 1 to create a more calm, relaxing, intentional life. The first step is to set up a complimentary discovery session right here.
If you'd like to receive my weekly uplifting emails and be notified of new podcast episodes, subscribe here.
Want to learn more about me or my work? Head to my website at www.michellegauthier.com
Discover practical strategies to overcome imposter syndrome, manage time effectively, and cultivate a calm and positive mindset while setting boundaries and combating negative self-talk in high-stress jobs, all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the 'Overwhelmed Working Woman' podcast.
Music Used: Pop Guitar Intro 01 by TaigaSoundProd, Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-licen
Thank you for listening. If you love the podcast, please subscribe and leave a review. 💗
CHAPTERS:
2:00 - The Love and Fit Test
5:46 - Tell the Truth
10:12 - Don't Over-Explain
10:58 - Ways to Say No
-
If you want to say no but don't know exactly how to do it, you can just copy and paste one of these 11 examples I'm about to give you in the next email to your boss. You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less. I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former overwhelmed working woman and current life coach. On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences, and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life. Hello, friend, and thank you so much for joining.
Michelle Gauthier: 0:43
As a life coach, I coach a lot of people who struggle with saying no, and I used to struggle with saying no too. A lot of times, what I find is that people say yes before they even take the time to figure out if they want to say yes or no. And if they do manage to say no, they will say no while telling a lie or over explaining or feeling guilty, and none of those are necessary. So today I'm going to teach you how to figure out if you want to say yes or no, and then how to communicate that very succinctly and firmly. Just like a handshake, a brief but firm interaction is best when you're saying no. Okay, let's get into the details. So, like I mentioned, what I often find is that women especially, and women who are overachievers and really good at things, which are the people - when we are like that, people ask us to do things. 'Hey, do you want to chair the school auction?' 'Hey, do you want to be in charge of this extra committee at work?' 'Hey, can you cover so-and-so while they're out?' Because you generally can get things done and are very reliable. So that makes you a good candidate for asks, but that does not mean that you have to be a good candidate for saying yes for everything. But we get to the point sometimes where we just default to yes, like we don't even know what else to say, or we don't take the time.
Michelle Gauthier: 2:00
So the first step in saying no is to pause and figure out if you want to say yes or if you want to say no. Now, if someone's asking you in person, if you want to do something and you don't know, or you just need to buy a minute, that's totally okay to say, 'Thank you for asking me, can I get back to you?' Or, 'Thanks for asking me. I'll send you an email later with my response' or whatever it is. If you need to buy time, that is totally fine.
Michelle Gauthier: 2:27
So I have a little trick that I use in order to figure out if I want to say yes or no, and it's something I teach to all of my clients and have taught on this podcast before, and it's called the Love and Fit test. So if you want all the full details on this, go back to episode number six, which is the Life-changing Art of Saying No, and you will get all the details on how to use that. But let me give you just a quick summary, in case you haven't heard that one yet. The first thing you wanna do when you're doing the Love and Fit test to figure out if you wanna say yes or no is ask yourself, do I love this idea? So, do I love the idea that's being proposed to me? Yes or no on that one. And then, does it fit? And the fit is, does it fit into the lifestyle, the life that I'm trying to create? Not, is there space on my calendar for it? So when you use those two questions to decide on your answer, you can get yourself to a yes or a no and sometimes, given that situation, there might be something that you would really love to do, but it just doesn't fit into your lifestyle. So you're kind of a yes and a no and then you have to decide. And again, episode number six will give you the details to how to work through all of that. But what I want you to take away from this particular episode today is that your first step is to pause and ask yourself, do I love this idea and does it fit into the lifestyle that I'm trying to create?
Michelle Gauthier: 3:52
So let's take a look at a couple examples and see how they work out with the love and fit test. So recently, a friend of mine invited me to come to her cabin, and she invited several other friends as well, and it sounded wonderful. And I asked myself the question do I love this idea? Yes, indeed, I do. Does it fit into the lifestyle I'm trying to create? Yes, it absolutely does. So that's a yes, yes. Super simple. We can just say yes, make the plans and be done with it. So that's an easy one.
Michelle Gauthier: 4:21
Now let's look at a situation where there's a networking group that I love here where I live in St Louis, called Babes in Business, and they just started offering networking coffees. Normally the events are at night. So I got invited to the first networking coffee and do I love this idea? Yes. Does it fit into the lifestyle I'm trying to create? Yes. Then I have to check my calendar and I look at my calendar and I'm actually not available at the time that the event is scheduled for. So in that case I'm going to say no, but it's a lighter, easier no, because it's something that I actually want to do.
Michelle Gauthier: 4:57
Then the third example is let's just say a friend were to ask me hey, now that it's summer, I'm going to work out at night, at 8 o'clock at night, and I'm going to do swimming. Now, for me, do I absolutely love that idea? No, I do not like swimming, I do not like doing really anything at eight o'clock at night, except for being in my pajamas and laying on my couch. So that would just be a good solid no for me. So we've got two examples. One's a yes for my friend's cabin, that one's off the list now, that one's good to go. Then we've got a no that is sort of a tentative, I wish I could, but I can't, no. And then we have just a good solid no and I'm never going to change my mind and I do not want to do that, type of no. So now that we know what those are, let's think about how to communicate those.
Michelle Gauthier: 5:46
So the first rule in saying no, actually communicating the no, is to just not lie. Because when we lie about it, like, if you say, let's think about the swimming example, 'Oh I just I really wish I could do it, but I have my daughter's horse lessons until eight o'clock', or whatever it is, that's not true. I will be home by eight o'clock. That's not the reason why I don't want to do it. Then one day you just happen to like run into that friend at eight o'clock and she knows that you're not where you said you were going to be, and then you just feel yucky and guilty and there's just no reason to lie about it. It's okay if you don't like swimming and if you don't like doing things at eight o'clock at night, like I don't, that's totally fine. So when I think about what the truth is, the truth is just simply I don't want to do it, I just don't. And then, if we look at the other example, the truth is I really wish that I could go to that networking event, but I can't. So that's really easy, just to tell the truth.
Michelle Gauthier: 6:45
The problem is that we use that kind of no, like the I wish I could, but I can't, kind of no so often for things that are really just a no no. And the problem that happens when you do that is, first of all, you open up discussion for doing it another time, and normally because I think humans are nice, they try to accommodate whatever it is that you say. So for example, if I were to say, 'Oh, I really wish I could join that swimming club thing at eight o'clock at night, but this week is just really booked and we're going to be out of town the next week'. 'Oh, okay, well, then I'll text you in two weeks and see if you can make it with me then'. Or maybe if she sees that there's another time, maybe in the morning, where people could swim, she'll be like, 'Oh hey, do you want to try the morning one instead?' If I don't just tell the truth and say that I don't want to do it, I've completely left myself open to have to continue to say no. So when you say no, you want to say it again firmly, tell the truth, and just make it a final no.
Michelle Gauthier: 7:52
So let's look at some examples of actual wording that we can use in both of these situations. Let's first look at the networking example. So the truth of this one is I would like to go, I definitely would like to go, but I can't. So in that situation, here are some things that you could actually say: 'It's not a good time for me now, but let's look ahead in our calendars and see when we can plan something'. Or, 'I can't do that one, but when is the next one?' Or, 'I love the idea that you're doing these coffees and I hope I can make one in the future'. 'I can't, but here's another option for you - Maybe you and I could go to coffee on our own' to the person who is offering the invitation. So that kind of no, the I can't, but I wish I could, kind of no, make sure that you really mean it, so that when you say those words, you can make the next step. You can say like, for example, what she told me was when the next one was and I signed up for the next one. That's two months out, problem solved, I've got my Love and Fit test in order and I can make the next one. So that is no big deal.
Michelle Gauthier: 8:58
Now here come the problematic no's in my experience, the no's that nobody really wants to say. Let's think just for a second why we don't want to just say no. Ask yourself that question. Like, why don't I want to say no? Okay, I'm going to try to read your mind here. Usually what people say is, I don't want to let people down, I feel guilty if I say no, or I feel like I should, or if I don't do it, nobody's going to do it.
Michelle Gauthier: 9:30
So just notice if you have one of those thoughts before you say no, and look and see in your brain if you're thinking one of those thoughts. Is that really true and is that really my responsibility? So, for example, if you get asked to lead the school auction and you don't want to do it but you feel like, well, if I don't do it, nobody's going to do it, or nobody's going to do as good of a job as I am, check and see if that's really true. It could be true that someone else could make an amazing thing out of that opportunity, totally differently than you might have. And also, it's not your responsibility. You are not in charge of the whole world.
Michelle Gauthier: 10:12
So first, before you get this hesitation about saying no, just look inside your head and see what kind of thoughts your brain is offering about why you can't or shouldn't say no, and see if they're really true - and here's a tip for you: they're never really true. And then, get ready, brace yourself, and just say no. Remember, we are going to tell the truth. We're going to tell the truth kindly, we're going to say it firmly, and then we're not going to over-explain. So, for example, talking about the swimming situation, 'Oh, I'm going to pass, but thank you for asking.' Period. See, weren't you kind of waiting for me to be like, I'm not much of a swimmer, I don't like to do things at night, etc. We just have this tendency to over-explain. You don't have to explain, it's okay if you just don't want to do something.
Michelle Gauthier: 10:58
Another great one is 'I'm actually just as busy as I'd like to be right now, so I'm going to say no'. I love that one, because everyone gets to decide what their amount of busy is. And some people feel like, well, if I have any white space on my calendar, I have to say yes, but I hold lots of white space in my calendar and I also say no because that's the way that I like it. So 'I'm just as busy as I'd like to be right now, so I'm going to say no'. 'I'm going to have to exert my no muscle on this one', or you can just blame me. If you listen to this podcast, then you can consider me your life coach and you can say, 'My life coach told me that I need to say no more to feel less overwhelmed, so I'm going to try it. So no, I can't.'
Michelle Gauthier: 11:41
You could also say, 'I'm learning to limit my commitments'. You could say, 'I'm not taking on new things'. Or you could say, 'That's more time commitment than our family could do right now', or, 'That's more time commitment than I could do right now'. You can also just say, 'Oh, no, thanks!' Again, just that pause of like oh, what's she gonna say next? You can just say 'No, thanks!, or, 'I'm gonna pass' or, 'Nah', or, 'That's not my cup of tea', or, 'I'm not the girl for that job', or anything you wanna say that feels true and firmly communicates no, without a lot of explanation.
Michelle Gauthier: 12:23
I hope you get a request today that you want to say no to, so that you can practice this. So just remember three steps. Number one, figure out if you want to say yes or no. Do that using the Love and Fit test. Number two, this is the part where you communicate the no. You communicate it by telling the truth, telling it kindly, being firm and don't over- explain. And if you need the actual wording, go look at the transcript, copy and paste some of these, and just keep them close, maybe in a document on your desktop or your laptop or your phone or wherever you keep these things, so that when it comes up you're like, oh shoot, I want to say no, but I'm not sure exactly what to say. Just borrow one of those, use one of those, and let me know how it goes. You know, there's this cool new feature now where you can send me a text. I would absolutely love to know which one of these ways to say no is your favorite and especially if you use it, how it goes. That would be wonderful. Shoot me a message, I'd love to see it.
Michelle Gauthier: 13:22
Okay, now let's go on to our last segment, which is Michelle's tip for Doing Less for More Success. Here is one way that I save a lot of time and distraction: turn off all the notifications on your phone. My phone absolutely never rings. I do not get notifications on Facebook or Instagram or whatever other apps that I have on my phone. I only check my phone when I check my phone.
Michelle Gauthier: 14:00
Now you might think, 'But what if someone really needs to get a hold of me?' Okay, if my kids are gone or something, and I think one of them might need to reach out to me, I'll turn on my ringer on my phone. But other than that, by nature now it's just built- in that we pick our phone up enough times. And studies have even shown that when you have notifications on and you get a text and it pops up on your screen, that your body sometimes feels like it's an emergency and like you need to look at it really quickly and react to it when, like, the last text I just got was an ad for nail polish. Not an emergency not at all. If you do this, you will majorly minimize the distraction time that you get from jumping every time your phone makes a sound or puts a notification on your screen. Give it a try. Let me know how much time you think you're saving with that.
Michelle Gauthier: 14:51
Okay, one more piece of news for you is that group coaching, my group coaching, which is called The Good Life, is going to be open for registration starting in July. So I know we're a little bit out from that, but I wanted to tell you right now because the waitlist is open now. If you get on the waitlist now, you will be the first to be notified when it's open, and you will also get a special bonus that is only for people who are on the waitlist, and that is a free coaching session with me. So a one-on-one coaching session with me, which is worth $250 normally. So you'll get a free bonus if you end up joining group coaching, and you're on the waitlist, that is what you will get. Over the next couple of weeks, you're going to hear interviews from some of my group coaching clients and hear about some of the transformations that they've made. I can't wait for you to hear these, because there's so much good information that you can take and apply to your life as well. So keep in the loop for that. Get on the waitlist now so that you are the first to be notified when it is open for registration.
Michelle Gauthier: 15:55
Have a great week. See you next week. Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.com. See you next week.
Loving the podcast?
Follow me on Spotify and subscribe via Apple Podcasts!
And don’t forget to leave me a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts
