Ep #76: The REAL Reason You're So Anxious - Hidden Triggers You Never Knew
episode summary
Do you often feel anxious but can't quite pinpoint why?
In this episode, you'll discover the surprising reasons behind your anxiety that you may not even be aware of. My guest, psychotherapist Marquita Myrick, explains how deeply buried experiences can unconsciously influence your mental health today.
In this episode, you'll learn:
How past experiences can shape your present-day stress and anxiety.
Actionable steps to identify and manage your triggers more effectively.
How to decide if a life coach or a therapist is the best fit for your personal journey.
Don’t miss this transformative episode—hit play now and start uncovering the hidden roots of your anxiety!
Featured on the podcast:
Thoughts on Trial worksheet
Marquita's website
Find My Therapist online directory
Connect with Marquita on Instagram
Find My Therapist on Instagram
Find My Therapist on TikTok
Follow Marquita on TikTok
Listen to this episode on Apple or Spotify!
For the full show notes and transcript, head over here.
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Discover practical strategies to overcome imposter syndrome, manage time effectively, and cultivate a calm and positive mindset while setting boundaries and combating negative self-talk in high-stress jobs, all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the 'Overwhelmed Working Woman' podcast.
Music Used: Pop Guitar Intro 01 by TaigaSoundProd, Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-licen
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CHAPTERS:
3:02 - Life Coach or Therapist?
8:05 - Name Your Feelings
11:33 - Breathe
12:50 - Reframe It
21:32 - Put Your Thoughts on Trial
25:06 - Gratitude Practice
29:01 - Work-Life Satisfaction
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arquita Myrick: 0:00
Sometimes people just think the anxiety is coming from the here and now, and I like to look at the childhood.
Michelle Gauthier: 0:10
You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less. I'm your host, Michelle Gothier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach. On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences, and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life. Hi, friend, thanks for joining today. Today's episode is really interesting for a couple of reasons. Number one today is my guest, markita Myrick, and she is a psychotherapist, and one of the things we talk about right off the bat is the difference between a life coach and a therapist and when to go to which one, depending on what type of problem you're having. I thought that was really interesting and it's something that people ask me often, so it was great to get her opinion on the answer to that, as well as mine.
Michelle Gauthier: 1:03
The other thing we talk about is anxiety. She is a real specialist in terms of anxiety and she talks about how sometimes we feel like our anxiety is coming from the here and now. So, for example, I've got a lot of stuff on my to-do list and it's making me feel anxious, but what she talks about is how our past experiences can shape the stress and anxiety that we're feeling now and why she really likes to get to the bottom of that, and she gives you some great tips for how to identify your triggers for stress and anxiety so that you can manage it more efficiently. So this is a really practical, useful episode, and she was a wonderful guest. So let's just get right to it. Let's dive in and say hello. Thank you so much for being here. Say hello and introduce yourself.
Marquita Myrick: 1:46
Yes, ii everyone. I'm so excited to be on the podcast today. I'm Marquita Myrick, a licensed psychotherapist, and I'm also the creator of Find my Therapist, an online directory for private pay mental health providers who don't want to accept insurance.
Michelle Gauthier: 2:00
Okay. So if somebody's listening and they want to switch to being a private pay - does it have to be a therapist or -?
Marquita Myrick: 2:08
Great question. So it's mental health providers. So right now I have listing profiles for speech/ language pathologists, for psychiatric nurse practitioners, psychiatrists, psychotherapists. There are a few more. So yeah, and as interest increases and as we continue to build traction, I will add more profiles. But anyone who caters to the mental health or mental health is some aspect of the work that they do, you are welcome on the directory.
Michelle Gauthier: 2:31
Okay, awesome. Tell me a little bit more about, like, who is your ideal client or patient who you're usually working with, if there is a usual.
Marquita Myrick: 2:39
Yeah, so one of my specialties is anxiety. I really love helping individuals with anxiety. I work with people across cultures, across religions, so I don't have a specific specialty within that. However, anxiety, depression, generational trauma, attachment-based work - that's typically what I'm doing in the work as a psychotherapist.
Michelle Gauthier: 3:02
Okay, okay, yeah, that sounds like that could be anyone. Okay, well thank you for being on Overwhelmed Working Woman. I have so many questions for you, but the first one is something that I get pretty often, which is what is the difference between a therapist - and you're a psychotherapist - and a life coach, and how should I know which one to work with? So, in your opinion, what's the answer to that?
Marquita Myrick: 3:25
I would say my go-to answer is typically that a coach is going to look more at the here and now. And I've actually done both. I've done some motivational speaking, I've done some coaching for women through various phases of life, so I've dibbled and dabbled across niches. So with coaching I was more focused on the here and now, and we may take a look, a peek at the past to see what's been going on there, to better understand where the person is. But more of the focus was the here and now and some psychotherapists focus on solution-focused type modalities. However, coaching in my opinion, is just solution-focused and taking a peek at the past, whereas psychotherapy we're really looking at the history. I'm very psychodynamic in my treatment methodology, so we're going deep, we're jumping into the deep end into the past. We're looking at all of those insights we can bring into the present and oftentimes in psychotherapy we're spending quite a bit of time looking at the past and really analyzing it. And in coaching that's just not the case, for me at least.
Michelle Gauthier: 4:28
Yeah, yeah. And so what is the benefit of doing that, of really going deep? Let's say you've got a typical client who is really struggling with anxiety. How is it helpful to go deep into the past?
Marquita Myrick: 4:43
Yeah, that's such a great question, Michelle. I think sometimes people just think the anxiety is coming from the here and now. And I like to look at the childhood because I want to see, how did your role models and your caregivers manage anxiety? Were they even calling it anxiety? You know, in my family people often say, oh, my nerves are bad. You know, in my community, my nerves are bad. Now that I'm a psychotherapist, I'm like,
Michelle Gauthier: 5:11
Yeah, your nerves are fine. Y ou might have been feeling kind of anxious.
Marquita Myrick: 5:13
Yeah, your nerves are fine. But you also said your doctor put you on anxiety medication. But people shy away from that diagnosis and I think also in the medical field when they're prescribing medication, especially if it's a primary care physician, they might not necessarily say, oh, I just diagnosed you with generalized anxiety disorder, right?
Marquita Myrick: 5:32
Whereas a mental health professional is going to say, oh, this is generalized anxiety disorder, or this is panic disorder, and so when I think about someone coming to me, they may be saying, oh, I have anxiety on a day-to-day basis. However, I like to nip things in the bud, so I like to go to the core of the issue. So let's really look at childhood. Maybe there's nothing there. Newsflash: most often there is.
Michelle Gauthier: 5:53
I was just going to say that. Does that really ever happen?
Marquita Myrick: 5:56
Most often there is, right, and so let's really take a look at that to explore what that looks like and what you learned and how you adapted to what you learned over the course of adulthood.
Michelle Gauthier: 6:08
Yeah, yeah, I think that's so important and in my case, first of all, I agree with what you said about coaching being more today and solution-focused and what actions should we take right now. But when I get a new client, I would say my very best favorite clients to work with are people who have done that kind of therapy. So they have done that deeper work and now they want to change their career or stop feeling so frustrated with their husband or their partner or whatever it is. But it goes so much more quickly when they're able to say, like I have a history of anxiety, it stems from this, this is how I treat it, and then we can just go on and do the things for the current and the future. So I love that. I love when I have a client who has done work with a therapist. So I agree, we can work hand in hand to help women. Well, in your case, you work with men as well, it sounds like, but to help people get through both of those things.
Michelle Gauthier: 7:05
Okay, all right. Good, I feel like we have answered that question and we have the same answer to it, which is great.
Marquita Myrick: 7:13
Great! No debating today.
Michelle Gauthier: 7:14
Yes, yeah, exactly no hating from either side of the fence. Sometimes I do think people will say like, therapists don't like coaches, or coaches don't like therapists. Not true, not true at our table that we're pretend sitting at today, right?
Marquita Myrick: 7:27
Not true at all. Yeah, and even in the therapist groups I'm in, we you know, online we have these conversations like let's, there's space for all of us to do the work that we do and help people in different ways. So yeah, no hate at all.
Michelle Gauthier: 7:40
Yeah, yeah, exactly, okay. Well, since you're on overwhelmed working woman, I first want to ask you do you ever feel overwhelmed? And how have you - because you have not only your own practice, but also this other business, a directory for mental health care providers, and you're a mom of two kids - so a) are you ever overwhelmed, and b) what are your tricks for navigating that?
Marquita Myrick: 8:05
The answer is yes, I get overwhelmed and yes, I have tricks for navigating it. I thought a few days ago, I thought, how fitting is it that I'm going to be on Michelle's podcast, because I got overwhelmed two days ago. And I was telling a friend yesterday, who's also a psychotherapist, that I get caught up with maybe once a month, that I have these - I'll have two weeks where things are great, right, things are amazing, there are no issues that I can complain about. And two days ago I started to feel sluggish, my energy started to dip and I thought, something's going on. And then I identified: I'm overwhelmed. That's what it is. I have the kids home for the summer. They go back to school soon, so their anxieties are starting to creep up as everyone keeps - everywhere we go, people are saying, oh, are you ready to go back to school? And I'm thinking, please don't ask them that!
Michelle Gauthier: 8:52
Yes, exactly, we're not talking about that yet.
Marquita Myrick: 8:56
We have two weeks, right, like, just let them chill, let me chill, and and so, yeah, I started to feel that feeling of overwhelm, that tightness in my back, and I get - my anxiety presents, it manifests, rather, as pain in my upper back, and so that's how I know something's going on. I'm starting to get overwhelmed, my posture might start slouching a bit, and so for me, it really is that awareness piece. The first step is recognizing this is what's going on, because I am such a type A person, I am such a go-getter, and I will keep going and not even notice that it's anxiety or that it's overwhelm. So it catches me by surprise and I say, okay, let's label it: this is overwhelm. That's my first strategy. I have to label it: this is overwhelm. Do I want to stay overwhelmed?
Michelle Gauthier: 9:45
Yeah, exactly, and I just think it's important to note that to people who are listening, and they're like, maybe sometimes I don't notice when I'm overwhelmed, okay, it sneaks up on us and this is the work we do, right? We're all only human, after all, and you have to just take a second and identify it, and I think your example was so good that you know exactly where it presents in your body. I truly believe that every feeling shows up somewhere in our body, and it's not the same for everyone, but for me, when I'm feeling really anxious, my fingertips get numb and kind of tingly. So that's the same thing where I'm like, oh, okay, I'm really anxious about something. What is that something? So I would encourage the listeners to think, what does it feel like in your body when you feel anxious and overwhelmed?
Michelle Gauthier: 10:27
Because, just like you said, there's so much power in simply naming it and saying this is what's going on. It's not like, oh, I'm low energy, am I tired? Did I just not eat a good lunch? What's going on? But just to be able to say, oh, I'm overwhelmed. Okay, once you've got the name for it, then you can start doing something for it. Okay, so what's next? What do you do once you name it?
Marquita Myrick: 10:52
just say I love that you normalize that for the both of us, Because I because have heard before oh, you seem perfect, you seem like you have everything together and I love to just humanize these things because, no, we're not perfect and we experience it too, but these strategies are how you get back from it, and I don't know about you, but for myself I get back from it a lot quicker because I have these strategies that I use to use, like name it.
Michelle Gauthier: 11:15
. And . too as know, too, client of a therapist and I've been a client of a life coach, when I see them also be human, it makes me feel like okay, good, even she gets overwhelmed or even she feels stressed out sometimes or doesn't know what to do. I think it's reassuring to people.
Marquita Myrick: 11:33
Yep, so reassuring. Yeah, so that first step really is just the awareness and naming it, and the second step for me is always, almost always, deep breathing. I love the 4-7-8 breathing method. Have you heard of that one?
Michelle Gauthier: 11:46
Okay, tell me about that. I usually do the box breathing, which is all the fours, so tell me about the 4-7-8.
Marquita Myrick: 11:53
Yeah, it's where you breathe in for four seconds, you hold it for seven seconds, and then you breathe out for eight seconds, and I think it's Dr. Weil who - he didn't create it. It's like an ancient breathing technique, but he kind of modernized it and talks about it a lot online, and the key is to do it four times. I just do it as many times as I need to, with a minimum being four. And what that does is it regulates your nervous system. It helps me to calm down because, if you think about it, we're going from this state of overwhelm that we didn't even recognize, for some of us, and for some of us women, we don't get it until it's too bad, right, and then now we've named it, okay, it's overwhelm. What do I do? Well, before we strategize, we need to calm our body down, and in the work that I do, we can't start using strategy until we learn how to get calm, until we learn how to get in a place of rest. And so really calming my nervous system down is that second step. And then for the third step, for me, it's reframing it.
Marquita Myrick: 12:50
Okay, so, and I'll use - Michelle, I love to use real life examples because I had a moment of overwhelm today, right, trying to get home for the podcast, getting my kids from the daycare, and so I thought, what feels overwhelming in this moment? Well, my kids were being a little rambunctious. You know there's bickering that goes on between a seven and nine year old and so the overwhelming thought is, my kids are overwhelming me and the reframe to that, after I've identified it, named it and I've calmed my nervous system, the reframe is my kids are being normal kids. They're doing normal, you know, they're doing appropriate things for their age and I have a lot going on today and it's okay that they're having that moment.
Marquita Myrick: 13:34
And what am I going to do next? Well, I've done my deep breathing, I've reframed it. I'm going to have a good day and I'm going to tell my kids we need a little bit of quiet time, you know. So the reframe is just, this isn't the end of the world, it's just kids doing normal kid things and I'm having a human response. Right now I'm feeling overwhelmed, but it's just an overwhelming moment. It's very brief, if I allow it to be, so then I just keep doing my deep breathing and that's how I move through it.
Michelle Gauthier: 14:03
That's so awesome. And I think that process that you're talking about including the noticing, the breathing, reframing is that like two minutes maybe, yeah, yeah, right, it can be like two to three minutes, yeah, to do it. And the thing I love about breathing too, I've never tried that method, I'll try it now, but I love about breathing is you can do it right in public, right when you're driving, you know, wherever you are, you can do that deep breathing and just to calm yourself down. Because I firmly believe, based on coaching lots and lots of overwhelmed people and being overwhelmed myself that when you're overwhelmed, you can't think clearly. You're not going to have a clear thought like, actually, my kids are just being kids, you're going to be like, ARGHHHH. I shouldn't put that on you. I should say, for me, for me, that's what I would do. Where, once you calm your body down, then you have access to those clear thinking thoughts. So I love that. That's so great.
Marquita Myrick: 14:57
I relate by the way, that's the thought. The thoughts get pretty extreme when you're overwhelmed or when you're experiencing high anxiety.
Michelle Gauthier: 15:05
They just do yes, yes, exactly, and I think sometimes that it feels so strongly in our body like, oh, this is a real problem, or I'm in danger, almost, and it's like, okay, I'm not in danger. My kids are just being kind of obnoxious right now, like mine, were fighting the other day and it was in public and they were back and forth at each other and I felt so uncomfortable. I'm like, well, I wish they weren't doing this, but no one's going to hurt us or anything.
Marquita Myrick: 15:30
It's not really dangerous. Exactly, we have to do a lot of reframing as parents.
Michelle Gauthier: 15:35
Yeah, yeah.
Marquita Myrick: 15:37
You get the look - you get one look in public and then all of a sudden, everybody thinks I have bad kids, like no. Maybe what I get mostly now is people look and say, I remember when mine were that age, or, yep, I've been there, or I was there yesterday and that's more reassuring than the stares.
Michelle Gauthier: 15:54
Yes, I try to be that mom when it's not my kids. Or like a little kid having a complete breakdown because they're like not getting a truck at the checkout of the toy store or something or Target, I always try to say, good job, mom. Been there, I see you. I'm not judging you at all, right.
Marquita Myrick: 16:11
At all. No judgment, I get it. Take your time dealing with that tantrum.
Michelle Gauthier: 16:18
Yeah, exactly, you're doing the right thing. Yeah, I think that's our job as moms of a 7 and 9 and 13 and 17-year-old, whatever age your kids aren't anymore to encourage the moms who are still there for sure. Yes, pass it forward, yes, so what do you think are the top mental health issues with women today? What are you seeing in your practice?
Marquita Myrick: 16:38
Yeah, I see a lot of mindset issues and I also see a lot of anxiety. I'm not seeing as much depression. One thing I didn't mention in the beginning is that I deal with a lot of relationship conflict, and that's not just in intimate partnerships, it could also be just in friendships. However, the friendships and the intimate partnerships that is where a lot of the anxiety is coming from. Lately, it's not even the parenting. It's creating a lot of anxiety. So, yeah, those are the top three things I'm seeing.
Michelle Gauthier: 17:09
Interesting. Why do you think there's not as much depression? I'm thinking COVID. Was there something with COVID that brought a lot of depression and now we're back to anxiety, or do you have any guesses?
Marquita Myrick: 17:20
I do actually. So during the COVID years, my business skyrocketed and that was actually when I launched my coaching business and I was trying to not leave counseling in the background. But I was just thinking, right now I want to focus on building a coaching business, and instead what happened is my psychotherapy business skyrocketed.
Michelle Gauthier: 17:39
Yeah, everybody needed a therapist.
Marquita Myrick: 17:42
Everybody, yeah. Exactly so. That's the key point. Everyone needed a therapist and I think people have done a lot of work, people who were previously depressed and now it's just those issues that are outlining their lives. So depression was at the core and a lot of that was tied to people's childhood unresolved trauma, and then now it's just like anxiety, inflation, the economy, so on and so forth. But just the relationship stuff, and I think we're seeing a wave of people talking about emotional intelligence in relationships and how important that is, and so I think that people are starting to look at their relationships, not in a bubble anymore. But wait, I have a relationship with my job, this is my career, this is stressing me out. I have a relationship with my children, with my parents, with my partner. So I think the relationship issues have really become the core of a lot of the work that I do.
Michelle Gauthier: 18:28
Okay, okay, that's interesting. That makes a lot of sense, though. Something that my parents like to point out to me is that my kids and their cousins, like you know teenage kind of kids they say, oh, they're always saying I'm so stressed and I'm so anxious, and we just didn't have that when we were kids. Do you feel like there's more anxiety now, or we just have more words for it and acknowledgement for it?
Marquita Myrick: 18:55
Yeah, I think we do have more words and acknowledgement for it. However, because of the work I do with people in healing generational trauma, I know that it existed back then. I was a very anxious child, growing up in Louisiana with two parents, dad being a pastor, right, I just didn't feel like I could express it and this is no shade to my parents, I love them. There wasn't a lot of resources, there weren't a lot of talks about anxiety and depression. All of these things were closeted for me as a kid, and so I didn't even have a name for them until I went to college. So it existed, but there was no language for it. It existed, but there was not a lot of treatment or people weren't seeking it out. I think it was still there. It's just now, it's more normalized for kids. So they are saying I'm stressed, I'm anxious. Yeah, you have the freedom to do it.
Michelle Gauthier: 19:45
Yeah, I was just going to say, and, based on the work that I do, I feel like that's actually the better way to be, to be able to say like I'm feeling anxious right now instead of just, I don't know what's wrong. I remember my best friend when I was little, growing up. I would say - she wouldn't care if I was saying this on the podcast - but I think she was anxious. But she used to get sick to her stomach all the time. She'd just throw up when she got upset about something and we just thought she had like, you know, how you said I think something's up with my nerves, like, oh, she's just got like a temperamental stomach or something like that. And wouldn't it have been good for her to be able to say, I'm feeling anxious, I think I need to go lie down at the nurse's office for a little while before I throw up. You know, it's just that there weren't the words for it.
Michelle Gauthier: 20:27
So I think it's really powerful, and to be able to say that to peers and teachers and recognize it in themselves and have tools - like they're learning mindfulness things at school right now that we would have never - I'm so glad they have them, but we would have never learned, we'd have never learned that - and I think this really ties back to something we talked about earlier today, in that the naming of it is so important.
Marquita Myrick: 20:52
It's so powerful, because just imagine how many kids got dismissed when we were growing up. I know it was definitely like you're just tired, you're just, oh, you just need some Tylenol, you know, actually,, yeah, quit your complaining, quit your complaining, when actually the kid didn't want to go to that play date because they were having high anxiety. So can we just name it and work through it. And now we have more of that and I'm grateful for that.
Michelle Gauthier: 21:20
You gave three steps to take when they're feeling overwhelmed. Is there anything different that you would recommend if the problem is anxiety versus overwhelm, or would you recommend that same process?
Marquita Myrick: 21:32
Yeah, I definitely recommend the same process when it's more anxiety, and I think I should add context to it because it's a bit nuanced. Because I am a therapist, I practice all of my skills for pretty much any issue that pops up for me. So, whether it's overwhelm, or I've identified it as anxiety or high stress, whatever, I use cognitive behavioral therapy on myself, and so those steps, combined with more of the cognitive behavioral therapy approaches, are what really helped me get through it, and so it goes beyond just identifying it, naming it, doing deep breathing and reframing it. It's also, I might put the thought on trial, which is a cognitive behavioral therapy technique where I break it down: I'm having the thought that I'm overwhelmed. What's really behind that?
Marquita Myrick: 22:20
And so, yeah, it's a variety of methods. What I really tell people, though, Michelle, is especially in the work that I do as a psychotherapist is, I'm going to give you a lot of strategies, and I'm going to do my best to not overwhelm you with them. Go and try it on for size, see what works, see what doesn't work, because maybe one day naming it doesn't work, maybe naming it stresses you out even more in the moment, or you think I don't have time to name it, I just need to calm down really quickly so you might jump to deep breathing, and it might be the 4-7-8 breathing method, or they might take your approach of box breathing. Whatever works for you individually is what's going to be best.
Michelle Gauthier: 22:55
Yeah, yeah, that's great. I love that. I love that. You said going to put the thought on trial. Can I please borrow that terminology and use that from here on out? Absolutely. I love it. Because sometimes I'll have my clients write out the thought and we'll say, is it true? How can you know it's true? If it weren't true, what would the opposite thought be? And I love the idea of putting it on trial, because that means we're making the assumption that it could be guilty. We're going to charge it.
Michelle Gauthier: 23:21
Like is it really true? I love that. That's such a great way to think about it. Okay, wonderful. I love that it's such a usable framework that you can use it for whatever feeling that you're having. Starting with, I'm just going to repeat it again because I think it was such a good process, so you name the feeling that you're having. You take a look at your body and calm it down using whatever method necessary, usually just some breathing and then you reframe it and possibly go on and do deeper tools if that doesn't do it. But I think just that quick three-step process could be really helpful to somebody who's feeling stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, angry, any feeling that you don't want to have at that moment.
Marquita Myrick: 24:02
Yep, you summed it up perfectly and absolutely, I'll share a resource afterwards on putting the thought on trial like a quick resource guide that you can use with your clients.
Michelle Gauthier: 24:11
Oh, I love it. Oh good, is it like something they can go and get?
Marquita Myrick: 24:15
Yeah, actually, if we have time. It's just therapistaid. com. I love using that as a resource for my therapy clients and they have free worksheets. I mean, there's, of course, a paid version too, but I just use the free version and you just type in putting thoughts on trial, so the CBT model for putting thoughts on trial will come up and people will get to visual - I'm a visual learner, so people will see it. I use it all the time. I'm always putting my thoughts on trial.
Michelle Gauthier: 24:37
So it works. I love it. That's so great. I'll definitely put the link to that in the show notes. That's so great. Okay, now I'm going to ask you the two questions that I ask every guest who comes on the podcast. The first is what is something that you do to make yourself more calm when you're feeling overwhelmed?
Marquita Myrick: 25:06
Yeah, the one I love is gratitude practice.
Marquita Myrick: 25:06
And I think it's so underrated. I don't know if you listen to Dr. Joe Dispenza.
Michelle Gauthier: 25:08
Yes. I don't listen religiously, but I definitely have listened to his content.
Marquita Myrick: 25:18
don't follow him religiously either, but I do listen to his content a few times a week and one consistent thing that he shares is gratitude practice, and he doesn't necessarily say it's underrated. However, as a therapist, I'm always paying attention to themes, right, and so when I'm listening to his videos, he's consistently saying get a gratitude practice, get a gratitude journal, say it out loud, incorporate visualization with it. Gratitude practice, get a gratitude journal, say it out loud, incorporate visualization with it. I do that all the time they're starting to cause me some stress. Right, I say let's just name five things we're grateful for. We did it yesterday. I said let's do five, they did 20.
Marquita Myrick: 25:52
Oh, that's so great. Right? And having wonderful parents was one thing that they both said and that just warmed my heart. So we went from this moment where they were bickering and where it was causing me some stress in the moment, to now I'm just grateful to be your mom right now.
Michelle Gauthier: 26:07
Yeah, can't wait to hang out with you guys. I was ready to get rid of you a couple minutes ago.
Marquita Myrick: 26:14
Exactly.
Michelle Gauthier: 26:15
I love it. So you can do it in your head, you can ask your kids to do it, you can have a daily practice where you write it down. I love that. That's so great.
Marquita Myrick: 26:24
Yeah, makes me smile.
Michelle Gauthier: 26:25
And then, as a busy working mom, what is something you consistently do that allows you to either do less or save time?
Marquita Myrick: 26:34
So one thing that I do is I love Google Calendar. I'm all about organization. Being a Type A person, my life has to be organized. However, I do have to give myself grace sometimes and say, okay, Marquita, everything can't always be the way you want it, and so organization is key for me, and I limit myself to no more than three big tasks a day. Now I have a lot of tasks on my Google Calendar. However, if I can get those three big things done, then I will allow myself some grace to not get the rest of it done during the day unless I have some free time at the end of the day. Right, yeah, I can put a lot of pressure on myself, and I have no problem saying this,
Marquita Myrick: 27:12
I have been diagnosed at the age of 19 with generalized anxiety disorder, and so part of the strategy that I shared today is what I have to do consistently and me having a Google calendar where I have three top tasks I have to do that consistently every day, or else I will lean into generalized anxiety disorder features. So that's it for me, really prioritization and organization.
Michelle Gauthier: 27:35
I feel like that's something anyone can take away, because I work so much with clients who maybe they have 20 things on their list and they can really only do three in a day and they do those three and instead of being like, all right, cool, they're focused on those 17 that they didn't get to and they're beating themselves up and thinking, should I go back and work later tonight. So I love the idea of let me just choose the most important ones, put those as my must-dos for the day and then, once I finish those, I can feel good about it.
Marquita Myrick: 28:03
Yeah, yeah, and you said it, even labeling it, as sometimes I label it as must-dos or have-to-dos, like label it as something, so you know, wow, this is a priority in my day. So once you get those three tasks done.
Marquita Myrick: 28:24
You feel really accomplished. It's really a good feeling, and you may see the other tasks, but you think, well, I got my must-dos done today. Yeah, good job.
Michelle Gauthier: 28:27
Yeah, exactly, I'm going to make my own gratitude list for myself next time I'm doing so well. Is there anything that I haven't asked you that you feel like you want to share with the audience?
Marquita Myrick: 28:39
Yeah, I always - I come back to this at the end of the day like, how am I doing this? You know, I launched my directory in January and I've had my psychotherapy business - I've been a psychotherapist for 15 years. Being a mother is one of my greatest joys and one thing on my bucket list that I had to be a mother, right?
Marquita Myrick: 29:01
And so at the end of the day, sometimes I can forget how important it is that I'm doing both. So the big question is like, how do you do both as a mother? How are you a mother and an entrepreneur? And ultimately, I'm going to put my kids first and my business is going to have to weave itself in there, and I'm always going to have grace for myself because I have to. I chose to be a mother. So people talk about balance a lot, and years ago they came out with this article about work-life satisfaction, and I lean into that more, because there is no balance. I can't have 50% motherhood, 50% entrepreneurship. However, I can have satisfaction in both areas and that's how I sleep well at night. I know I did my best.
Michelle Gauthier: 29:44
That's so great. I love that. When you were growing up, I know you said your dad was a pastor. Did your mom stay home or did she also work?
Marquita Myrick: 29:52
Good question. She worked for a while and then we got into a car accident when I was 11. And that changed the trajectory of her career life and so she became disabled and couldn't work. She's had severe back pain over the years and she actually just, at the tender age of 67, started working again because she wanted -yeah, like she always wanted to go back to work. So she started doing some work in her previous field and so that completely changed it. But she did. She was a homemaker for years after the accident.
Michelle Gauthier: 30:22
Okay, okay, mine too, and my dad worked and my mom stayed home with us, and I feel like I just started doing both and felt like I needed to do both of those at 100% and do an amazing job, work as hard as my dad and be as good of a mom as my mom and take care of our home, and I just had to get to the point where I could accept that's two full-time jobs. That was two people in my household and I'm just one person, and so I'm going to have to do my best and outsource where possible. But I hear you, I love the idea of just work-life satisfaction versus balance, because I agree and maybe you could create a balance for today. Today did I feel balanced? Yes, but it's not like you get to this ultimate goal of like, okay, my life is balanced now.
Marquita Myrick: 31:11
Yes, yes, it's not an everyday thing and that's why I try not to judge myself on how balanced am I with work or motherhood. It's how did I feel at the end of the day, and I always tell women that go back to how you felt. Did it feel good to take your kids to soccer practice or gymnastics? Did it feel good to do that, and actually watch them do those activities over logging into your WordPress dashboard, which is what I was doing last year, and I said, that didn't feel good. I was getting a lot done with building the website out for my directory, but it didn't feel good to have my daughter at the end of of class say, did you see me when I did -? And I'm like, oh no, I didn't.
Marquita Myrick: 31:49
So how do you feel? Like, go back to that, because that's really - your feelings are going to guide your actions and what you prioritize in any given moment.
Michelle Gauthier: 31:57
Yeah, that's great advice. Everyone who gets to work with you is so lucky. You're so calm and so wise. I'm sure you're perfect for anyone who's feeling anxious and overwhelmed. Where should people go if they want to follow you and learn more about you or your work?
Marquita Myrick: 32:12
Thank you so much, and I want to just echo that for you too. Any woman who gets to work with you is so blessed, so so blessed, and anyone listening to the podcast. So you can find me at marquitamyrick. com. If you're interested in the directory, maybe you're looking for a mental health provider, you can go to findmytherapistus for United States and then online on socials it's findmytherapistus on TikTok and Instagram and then at Marquita Myrick LPC, for my Psychotherapy Business on Instagram and my biggest platform is TikTok at Therapy Insight.
Michelle Gauthier: 32:46
Oh, okay, okay. Are you taking new patients now for psychotherapy?
Marquita Myrick: 32:51
I am taking new patients.
Michelle Gauthier: 32:52
Yeah, okay, okay, perfect, good. Well, we will link all of that in case somebody is looking ,and you see patients from anywhere, right? You see people on Zoom.
Marquita Myrick: 33:03
Yep, well it's, so it's on Simple Practice, their electronic health record system, so it's a telehealth.
Michelle Gauthier: 33:10
Okay, that's right, you can't do Zoom, that's not safe enough, right, you have to be more compliant than that, but they don't have to live in your town, I guess is what I'm saying.
Marquita Myrick: 33:19
Yeah, yeah, no good question. Yeah, so I'm a telehealth provider and I'm licensed in Colorado, Florida, Georgia, and South Carolina. You do have to be physically planted in one of those states for me to work with you online.
Michelle Gauthier: 33:28
Okay, okay, that's so interesting.
Marquita Myrick: 33:30
I know, tell me about it.
Michelle Gauthier: 33:32
Why does it matter where that person is.
Marquita Myrick: 33:34
I'm telling you, yeah.
Michelle Gauthier: 33:35
Okay, but I guess we can't solve - we're not going to be able to solve that one today.
Marquita Myrick: 33:40
I wish we could. There is the Counseling Compact and it should be available - a lot of states have joined so I will be able to open up my services across the United States in more states pretty soon here, hopefully early 2025.
Michelle Gauthier: 33:53
Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, it's exciting. I knew of that law, but I didn't know that it was maybe going to go away. Okay, that's great. Good news, even more opened up for you to help people. Yes, okay, wonderful. Well, I really appreciate you being a guest. Thank you so much for sharing all your valuable wisdom and insight with us.
Marquita Myrick: 34:11
Thank you as well!
Michelle Gauthier: 34:12
Okay, friend, hopefully that episode has left you feeling less anxious, or at least having the potential to be less anxious, and you have gained more clarity around when a life coach versus a psychotherapist is the best option for you when you feel like you need some help. If the answer to that question is life coach, and I am the life coach who you have in mind, please reach out to me. There is always a link in the show notes that will give you a way to click and set up a one-on-one session with me for free to help to explore coaching and understand more about what I do when I work with my clients one-on-one. I would love to talk to you if you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed. That is my specialty, and I would love to help you feel more calm, more intentional, and more present in this one precious life that you have been given. Thanks for listening and I'll see you next week. Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.com. See you next week.
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