Ep #75: 10 Thoughts You’re Having That Create Overwhelm - and How to Stop Them
episode summary
Feeling stuck in stress and overwhelm? Your thoughts might be secretly fueling both.
It’s easy to believe that your jam-packed schedule is the culprit behind your overwhelm. But what if it's not your workload, but rather your thoughts that are holding you back? Discover how shifting your mindset can drastically reduce your stress and help you reclaim control of your day.
By listening to this episode, you'll learn:
How your thoughts are creating your overwhelm, not your to-do list.
The top 10 most common thoughts that trigger feelings of overwhelm - and what you can do to stop them.
A simple process to reframe these thoughts to break the cycle of overwhelm and embrace a more peaceful, balanced life.
Press play now and learn how to transform your thoughts to overcome overwhelm and feel more in control of your life!
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For the full show notes and transcript, head over here.
If you are sick and tired of feeling overwhelmed, I can help. I coach clients on 1 on 1 to create a more calm, relaxing, intentional life. The first step is to set up a complimentary discovery session right here.
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Discover practical strategies to overcome imposter syndrome, manage time effectively, and cultivate a calm and positive mindset while setting boundaries and combating negative self-talk in high-stress jobs, all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the 'Overwhelmed Working Woman' podcast.
Music Used: Pop Guitar Intro 01 by TaigaSoundProd, Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-licen
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CHAPTERS:
1:49 - What Is Overwhelm?
3:49 - Your Thoughts Create Your Feelings
6:41 - The Top 10 Thoughts that Create Overwhelm
11:43 - No Thanks
13:51 - Choose a New Thought
16:55 - Do Less for More Success Tip
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It isn't actually your to-do list or your jam-packed schedule that creates overwhelm. You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less. I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach. On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences, and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life.
Michelle Gauthier:
0:36
Hey friend, today we're going to be talking about our favorite topic, overwhelm, and what exactly creates overwhelm. I'll give you a clue: it's not your circumstance, so it's not your busy to-do list or your jam-packed schedule - it's actually the thoughts that you're having about them. This is good news, because that means that you can change your thoughts to reduce your overwhelm. You don't have to do anything except change the way that you're thinking and you are guaranteed to feel better. So today we're going to take a look at how our thoughts create our feelings, including the feeling of overwhelm. We'll look at the top 10 thoughts, the top 10 hit list of thoughts that cause overwhelm that I have found to be true across my many clients and my very own brain. So you'll have awareness to what those top 10 thoughts are, so that if you find yourself thinking them, you'll be onto your brain. And then, finally, I'm going to teach you how to change those thoughts so that you can gently move yourself out of overwhelm and back into feeling calm and productive. Let's get started.
Michelle Gauthier:
1:49
About a week ago, I was teaching an in-person workshop and there were about 25 women there and I asked everyone to go around the room after I had explained what overwhelm is and what stress is. I asked them to go around the room and tell me how they knew that they were overwhelmed, like how did they act when they were feeling overwhelmed? And the way that I described overwhelm is the same way that I always describe it - it's from Brene Brown and it's essentially the feeling that comes when life is coming at you faster than your psyche and your nervous system can process it, so it's too fast for your brain or your body to handle. So when you're in overwhelm, what happens? What do you do?
Michelle Gauthier:
2:32
And as we went around the room, we heard lots of different things, but we heard the same thing repeated lots of times as well. So many people said, I get really short and snippy with my kids or my spouse, or I get angry at my co-workers. So it was that response of being really frustrated. Some people just completely shut down and can't do anything. Some people jumped into a flurry of action but not really action that made a big impact, just like running around and trying to do things. There was a whole variety of answers that people had to say. Those were probably the three most common that I heard.
Michelle Gauthier:
3:06
But the biggest thing that it really made me realize because everyone else was like, oh my gosh, yes, me too, is that we get this feeling sometimes that we are alone, that we are the only woman who's feeling this overwhelmed and stressed out, that we feel so badly that we yell at our kids, and then, when we yell at our kids, we feel so guilty and that makes us feel even more overwhelmed. So I felt inspired to do this episode, because I wanted to remind you that you are not alone, and I collected 10 of the most common thoughts that women have that create overwhelm, and I'm going to teach you how to reduce those thoughts and change those thoughts so that you can feel less overwhelmed. It's a cool little process. So first let's talk about why our thoughts are even related to our overwhelm. Our thoughts always create the way that we feel. It's not the situation, even though it feels like it is the situation. So, for example, one thing that always makes me feel overwhelmed is - I have two kids, only two kids.
Michelle Gauthier:
4:12
Some people have way more kids than this, but when they're both talking at the same time, and they're both talking to me, and they're ignoring the fact that one is talking to me and the other is talking to me, it just makes me feel immediately overwhelmed. So the way that we look at this, using this thought model that I'm talking about is the fact that my two kids are both talking at the same time is actually neutral, but the way that I'm thinking about it is what makes me feel overwhelmed. So if I can pause and slow down and just envision us in our kitchen and envision both of them, one of them telling me they need something for school and the other one trying to tell me a story about something that happened at work the other day, the thought that comes into my head is, everybody needs me and I can't do this much at once. And as soon as I think that thought, I get overwhelmed. The opposite of that would be, if they're both talking at the same time, I could have a different thought of, oh, they're both talking at the same time, that's funny. I guess they don't realize that I can't hear two people at once and that might make me kind of chuckle and maybe make me in kind of a funny mood instead of in an overwhelming mood. So, even though in that situation my kids are both talking at the same time, I'm able to change my thought, the way that I'm thinking about it, and feel less overwhelmed.
Michelle Gauthier:
5:26
So our thoughts are always creating our feelings. Same is true for feelings of like contentment or joy. So, for example, if I feel really joyful - I felt joyful this morning, actually. So if I feel really joyful and I pause and I ask myself, what is it? It feels like it - it felt like it was because our kitchen was clean, yay, and I had the back door open - we have a door in our kitchen - I had the back door open and just the screen door closed, because we had this amazingly beautiful morning. It was like 65 degrees. And so what you could think is, you know what makes me feel joyful? The fact that it's 63 degrees and that my kitchen counter is clean. But see, both of those things could be true and I could think a thought like, today's going to be the worst day; I have way too much to do. And even though I have my back door open and my kitchen counter is clean, I can still create a feeling of overwhelm. So our thoughts are always tied to the way that we feel, and this is a good thing. Sometimes people get really annoyed with this because they're like, wait, so I'm just creating my own suffering? Kind of, yeah, but the good news is you can also change it and stop doing that, and that's exactly what I'm going to tell you about today.
Michelle Gauthier:
6:41
So what are those thoughts that are creating overwhelm so often? These are the 10 most common ones that I see and that my brain likes to suggest. Number one: there's too much to do and not enough time. Feeling like your to-do list is just never ending and that you can't keep up creates this sense of urgency and pressure and all of a sudden, you feel overwhelmed. Number two: I can't make a mistake. This is one of my brain's most favorite ones to offer. Like, I have to do this. I have to do it correctly. That's a bad one. That one definitely creates overwhelm for me.
Michelle Gauthier:
7:22
Number three: I'm failing at everything. This kind of all- or- nothing thinking where one small thing can go wrong - for example, this morning I had a whole bunch of stuff lined up and it was all going to work out just fine until my daughter accidentally missed the bus, and then I was like, oh no, everything's falling apart. My whole day is shot now because I've got to take this extra 20 minutes. Not true, but that was the thought that my brain offered, something like I'm failing at everything.
Michelle Gauthier:
7:50
Number four: I have to do everything myself. This is a very common one for women, and we do often have to do everything ourselves because we make it so. It's not necessarily true, but we do often believe that we're responsible, and that we're the only ones who know about many of the tasks, and that we have to do everything. Even sometimes, when I suggest that people outsource or ask someone else to do it, they'll say, well, it won't be done right if I don't do it. So that's another version of that same thought. Five: I'm not good enough (or some other kind of imposter syndrome type thought) - like there's no way that I can do this or why do they think that I can do this? That leaves you just feeling inadequate and like you can't do the job, which will then create overwhelm Six: Everyone expects too much of me.
Michelle Gauthier:
8:38
This is another one of my brain's favorite ones to offer. Assuming that other people have high expectations of you and that you have to meet all their expectations perfectly can really make you feel very quickly overwhelmed. This one makes me laugh because - and this is a trick that I always teach my clients - so if you're saying "everyone, whatever it is, everyone expects too much of me, just try substituting in I instead of everyone and see if that is also true. So I expect too much of me. Yes, that part is true, but my brain likes to tell me everyone else expects too much of me.
Michelle Gauthier:
9:15
Number seven: I can't get started, because what if something goes wrong? This kind of thinking, sort of worrying constantly about worst case scenarios or telling yourself that you can't get started on something unless you have the time to see it all the way through, do it perfectly, and finish it will make sure you stay in both overwhelm and inaction, because it's really hard to get started. Eight: I'll never get this all done. Another one that will create procrastination and overwhelm, telling yourself that, I'll never get it done, so why would I even start? Nine: I can't possibly take a break; there's too much to do. This is a lie that our brain likes to tell us as well, because we all know if you are totally overwhelmed and you just push through, you are much more likely to take longer to do it, make more mistakes, all those kinds of things, instead of if you take a five-minute break, even, and go for a quick walk, you're so much more productive and so much more of a clear thinker. And then the very last one is: I should be doing more.
Michelle Gauthier:
10:18
Another version of this, one that I hear all the time, is, everybody else can do it, so why can't I pull it off? So when I'm saying this out loud, I'm just picturing, like when you're at a school event or something and there's some mom there who you know has a great job and she looks all pulled together and her kids are all dressed in what they're supposed to be wearing, and it just seems like she totally has it together. And you have a thought like, how does she do that? I should be doing more. I should be able to do this. All the other moms are able to get their kid to the choir concert in the right outfit on time, while feeding them a healthy dinner and also kicking butt at work all day. Well, I'm here to tell you, and my example that I used at the beginning just proves that this is true as well,
Michelle Gauthier:
11:01
everybody thinks that about other people, but nobody thinks, I am doing everything perfectly. Everybody has this worry that they should be doing something more, that other people are doing it better. As you know, comparison to others, or comparison to totally unrealistic expectations is a sure way into you feeling overwhelmed and not being productive. So I'm sure there are more thoughts than just those 10, but those are like the top 10 that I can think of that come to mind from hearing them from my clients and hearing them from myself. Now, you might have noticed when I was talking about these that I was saying that my brain likes to offer these thoughts.
Michelle Gauthier:
11:43
So a good way to think about the thoughts in your head, because sometimes if a thought comes into your head like, I have to do this perfectly, or I can't make a mistake, it feels like that's true. It's nice to reframe it and think about it, like: thoughts come into your head. Your brain offers those thoughts. There's really nothing you can do about that. You can't just say I don't want that thought to come in my head and block it somehow. That would be kind of nice actually, but we can't do that. Instead, think about it like your brain has served you a thought on a platter and you can be like, oh no thanks. Just like you would say I don't eat meat if somebody offered you meat. Oh, no thanks, brain, I'm not going to pick up that thought of, I have to do this perfectly, or I can't make a mistake. So just think about it like your brain has been trained over time to offer up certain thoughts in certain situations. If you can just notice them without believing them or getting attached to them, that's a great way to have mindfulness to think about your thoughts.
Michelle Gauthier:
12:43
So you're almost outside of yourself, looking in at your brain, and seeing the thoughts that your brain offers without believing them, and with the ability to judge them and say do I want to keep this thought or do I want to choose another one? So how do we change those thoughts? Now we know that our thoughts create our feelings. We know the top 10 thoughts that keep us stuck and overwhelmed. Now what to do about it? So one tip I just gave you was to consider that your thoughts just pop into your head. You have no control over that, but just taking a look at them, so noticing what you're actually thinking, is the first thing to do to stop feeling so overwhelmed. So when you start to feel overwhelmed, pause for a second, and ask yourself, what was I just thinking? Because I know it was my thought that created this overwhelm. And when you see what that thought is, let's say it's a thought of, I should be doing more, then you can stop and think, is that really true? Should I really be doing more? Do I want to believe this thought or do I want to come up with another, different thought to think? And when you do want to come up with another thought, which I highly recommend when your brain says I should be doing more, think about a different, alternative thought that you could think instead, once you have realized that you're thinking a thought that causes overwhelm and you're ready to replace it.
Michelle Gauthier:
14:06
Here are some that I suggest, some thoughts that you could alternatively think on purpose. So when your brain tells you there's way too much to do, you can instead say: I can prioritize. I can tackle one thing at a time. I know where to start. Sometimes you even have a prioritize list. I can do this one thing. Lots of these thoughts had to do with, I need to do this all myself, and I have to do it perfectly. Good thoughts to think instead are: I'm capable of handling this.
Michelle Gauthier:
14:37
It's okay to ask for help. No one expects me to do everything. I can't expect me to do everything. Done is better than perfect. I can only try my best and that's enough. A lot of times, these thoughts make us feel like we're not doing enough or being enough. So another thought I like to use is: I'm enough. I'm already enough, just as I am. When you don't feel like taking a pause or your brain suggests that you can't take a rest, remind yourself: rest is productive and it will help me be more effective and probably make less mistakes. And: asking for help shows strength, not weakness, is a good one.
Michelle Gauthier:
15:20
Another one is: I can delegate and trust others to handle things. Now, if you say this one to yourself, I can delegate and trust others to handle things, and it makes you still feel overwhelmed, don't use it - and make that true for any of the thoughts that I just listed. You have to be able to say it out loud and make sure that it feels true to you and causes a feeling that is not overwhelmed. So maybe it doesn't get you all the way to calm, but maybe it makes you feel more neutral or maybe it does get you all the way to more calm. But if you say, I can delegate and trust others to handle things, and that doesn't feel true, just ask yourself, what does? I can delegate to others and I can be okay with the job that they do on it. For example, like if you're going to have your kids load the dishwasher, it's never going to be the same way that you load the dishwasher, even when your kids are adults. You can delegate and trust others to handle things might not be true, but I can delegate and deal with the job that they do could be true. Al right. So, to recap, you're going to acknowledge that your thoughts always create the way that you're feeling. You know what thoughts are creating overwhelm, based on that top 10 list I gave you and whatever ones you have to add to that. And the key to making yourself feel less overwhelmed is to realize when you're having those thoughts and substitute in a new thought that makes you feel more calm, such as taking a rest will make me more effective, or it's okay if I just get started on this one first thing, whatever thought comes up for you. Okay, let's jump into my Do Less for More Success for the week.
Michelle Gauthier:
17:14
I have really been into using ChatGPT lately and I am amazed at how many things that it can help me do. So I wanted to tell you about a prompt that I used last week when I was it was a Sunday morning and I was sitting at the horse barn for my daughter's lesson and thinking about what I could do for our family menu for that week. So what I asked ChatGPT - I'm going to tell you exactly what I typed in here. Obviously, you don't have to get this exactly the same way, but just to give you an idea of the prompt that I put in, I said, I'd like your help planning a weekly menu for my family.
Michelle Gauthier:
17:45
We ate the same thing for breakfast every day and the same thing for lunch, so I'd like to plan a variety of dinners. I want them to be basic and easy. I'm a mom and I have two kids. I'd like each meal to have a protein and a fruit or a veggie. And then it spit out a whole menu! Monday: grilled chicken breasts with the side of roasted sweet potatoes. Tuesday: ground beef or turkey tacos, etc. It spit out a whole thing. So then I said - I actually had to replace one because salmon was on there and nobody likes salmon except for me, so I had it replace that.
Michelle Gauthier:
18:16
And then I said, could you please make me a grocery list of what I would need, and steps that I can take to prep ahead? So it gave me the recipes for everything that it had, listed out by day, and then it created a grocery list for me. This whole thing took me about five minutes and then I could just take that list, put it into Instacart and order my groceries, all while sitting at the horse barn. So give that a try. And if you have any great tips on how you're using ChatGPT to make your life more efficient and easy, I would love to hear that, and you can send me a text. There's a place in the show notes where it says send me a text. Send me a text and tell me how you're using ChatGPT to make your life easier.
Michelle Gauthier:
18:59
Also, at the beginning of this podcast, I was telling you about a workshop that I was doing in- person. I do workshops in- person. I live in St Louis. I can also travel to do them on occasion, but I also do online workshops. So if you have a women's group - I used to be in charge of the women's network at my old corporate job and I was always looking for speakers or workshops. If you have something like that or another group where you feel like a topic such as how can I feel less overwhelmed would be great for you and your co-workers or your friends or your church group or whoever it is, reach out to me. Again, you can use that Send me a text feature, or you can send me an email, michelle@michellegauthier.com, and I can give you the scoop. All right, have a great week. See you next week. Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.com. See you next week.
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